I find that some of the aphorisms, like ‘how to be happy’ and so on, are full of randomness.What it means is that any phrase that teaches you how to be so and so is extremely lacking of context, because each person's body is made up of different moments, and each moment has different context. People are like particles in motion that are randomly distributed (there's a video* about the game of life), but there are never two particles with exactly the same trajectory.

*the video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9Plq-D1gEk&t=664s

I remember a quote on the cover of a book from memory: To pursue truth, you have to question everything. Yes Everything.

Life is full of options for compromise. We are so afraid of becoming ourselves probably because it's the only thing that no one can help you with, and there are no universally adaptable formulas, no general techniques to refer to, not even test ranges. Yet the happiness often comes from compromise.

I basically feel a sense of relief every time I compromise, finally, not having to be myself. I start to gather friends around me, I build relationships, I feel happy that I am needed from time to time, my life is full and busy. I care about the feelings of others, I reflect on every comment, I am carefully maintaining relationships, I circle around something, I keep myself moving up, getting better, trying making myself look better in every way. yes m happy and I m fulfilled and m hardworking. i feel related to everything but myself.

But strangely I don't like it even though I'm happy and m fine and i m motivated.

So, What do i compromise on? Why do i scared?

It's not the trying that i compromise on, it's the seemingly infinite tryings... not the unknown, but the countless unknowns... the unknown in every way... first you don't know what you want, then the questions after that don't really matter.

So you let other people tell you what you want, and then you happy again. But i m not sure if i always want to be happy

But one thing is certain - everyone has the capacity to learn... and yes, I would assert that everyone, if you want to learn, everything can be understood with time. It was a sudden feeling came out on a night i was running, i was shocked that i related myself in a way and m kind of like what m exploring right now(though m not quite sure what it is lol)...the viability doesn't matter, the nonrecognition doesn't matter, the vague explanation doesn't matter... i just feel i m learning and capable to learn, gosh that's an amazing feel.

One's time can be used to get infinitely closer oneself or to achieve periodic happiness.

Being infinitely closer to oneself will not necessarily make one more "successful" or happy, but will be less fearful less unwillingness and more confidence. i suppose.