1. Who are you when no one is looking?

Living in a culture of appearances, we often strive to project a certain image in order to impress or connect with others. This can be seen in our use of social media, where we often post curated and filtered images that don't accurately reflect our reality. However, this effort to be anyone other than our authentic selves is counterintuitive and doesn't hold much weight in the long run. True character is revealed in the details, in what we say and do when we act from our core self. In relationships, it's important to be respectful and act in alignment with our values, even when our partner is not with us. Additionally, it's important to align our actions with the values and causes we publicly support and advocate for. It's easy to share opinions and post about causes, but true impact comes from taking action and making a tangible difference.

Persevere

Hang in óne more round. Water doesn’t boil at 99 degrees, but it boils at 100. Don’t give up before the threshold. Refuse to lose. People don’t fail, they simply give up trying. It doesn’t depend on how tough the goal is, it depends on how tough you are and how badly you want it.

Tools to build muscles of discipline

1. Finish what you start. Personal code: I finish everything that I start (everything worth starting, is worth finishing).

2. Vow of silence. Don’t talk, have courage. Preserve your energy, don’t talk more than you need to. Clear speech is a sign of clear mind.

3. Get up earlier

4. The power of introspection and reflection. Analyse each day, reflect and assess if you are moving towards your character virtues. Ben Franklin used 14 virtues. This way you see own faults.

5. Discipline your thoughts. That in we persist of doing, become easier to do. Not because the nature changes, but the nature of our abilities changes.

5-3-1 Creed of the Willpower Warrior

• The five best ways to nurture good habits – Cultivate willpower, be disciplined, rest and recover when your willpower ebbs, make good habits into a routine and build self-control. • The three standards you need to build great habits – These values are: Be consistent, follow through and practice publicly what you do privately. • The “General Theory of Self-Discipline Spartans” – Take on difficult tasks that matter even if they make you uncomfortable.

Three things can motivate a person:

• Pleasure / pain (immediate pay-off: positive or negative). Primitive response. It functions adaptively in hunger, sex and other activities related to self-preservation and propagation of our genes.

• Hope / fear. All about anticipation.

• Social acceptance / rejection

Three things can change a person's long-term behavior (B. J. Fogg in tiny habits):

• Have an epiphany

• Change environment

• Take baby steps

2. S3 - Small simple steps:

Incomplete tasks and procrastination often lead to frequent and unhelpful thought patters (Hadassah Lipszyc). Be kind to yourself, give yourself a break and don’t feel bad if you can’t complete a task and spend time on something else. Create bite-size pieces zodat je die uit je hoofd kunt zetten wanneer het is gelukt.

Start somewhere. Anywhere (Zeigarnik effect, finish = rest).

When something is simple for us, we are considerably more likely to do it. Six categories of simplicity:

1. Time. We only perceive something to be simple if we have the time available to perform the function.

2. Money: Similarly, if something stretches our financial resources, we do not consider it simple.

3. Physical effort: we consider things that are physically easy for us to be simple

4. Brain cycles: simple things don’t tax out thinking, and we shy away from things that require us to think too hard.

5. Social deviance: a simple act fits into societal norms.

6. Nonroutine: how far something is out of one’s normal routine will define its level of simplicity.

3. About discipline

Discipline is the source. Self-trust: discipline is the power of promise keeping. It takes effort, will-power and courage. It is a source of enlightment. Without discipline he has no understanding of inner power. Without inner power he has no peace. Without peace where is joy. Ghandi started as a small-time lawyer. He started working on himself. Discipline is like a muscle, or an embryo. Put off short term gratification, for long term benefits. Long term over short term. Examples and practices: don’t start shouting back, bite your tongue when somebody insults you who doesn’t know better. Don’t do what is impulsive, do what is right. Not what is easy, what is right. Practice discipline and willpower. Push yourself. You know that you are bound for glory. Self-mastery comes one day at the time.

Tips to keep your willpower

1. Limit your goals

2. Take small steps

3. Embrace routine, minimize choices

4. Use language: I want, I can (and if not; not very)

5. Rather do than think

Strengthen willpower

1. Share your goals and your successes

2. Realize that you are in control

3. Change your automatisms

4. Use your lazy self (build barriers to your distractions, remove barriers to good behavior)

5. Visualize danger

Restore willpower

1. Eat healthy

2. Get enough sleep

3. Take a break

4. Use tools (don't waste your money motivation)

5. Reward yourself

4. Ganbatte

Wabi Sabi = beauty of imperfection. Nothing is perfect, nothing is complete, nothing is forever.

Ganbatte's Ten Laws for Everyday Life

1. Do your best and never give up. That means ganbatte. That means that you give the best of yourself. The result is not so important; you can be satisfied because you know you did the best you could.

2. Melt a rock. There is a Japanese saying that invites you to sit on a rock for three years and eventually let it melt. That is, success does not depend on a single excessive effort, but on the steadfastness with which you persevere in what you have set yourself. A little every day.

3. The full forward. It's okay if you do something wrong, as long as you learn something from it so you can move on. Science progresses by trial and error. Try, fail, and improve is the way to transform yourself.

4. Be flexible and resilient The word resilience is used for materials that do not crack when you bend them, but yield and return to their original position when you let go. You have to adapt your effort to the changing circumstances of life.

5. Get your hands off it in time The dividing line between throwing in the towel too soon or too late is very subtle. Don't hold on to something that is demonstrably not working. Be persistent, but listen to your heart to find out when it's time to take a different path.

6. Look at the horizon, but also at your feet. Focus on every step you take, on your daily routines, but at the same time keep an eye on your long-term plans. That way of looking allows you to achieve things you can only imagine now.

7. The rituals are more important than the finish line A completed project is the result of concrete habits that you maintain day in and day out until you achieve what you set out to do. For the Japanese, the way you do something is more important than the result.

8. Everything starts in your head. Imagine what you want before you realize it. Project the effort you need to get to the desired spot on your mental screen, then translate your plan into steps and stages. Small addition Jordi: Feel the emotions in your heart that belong to the end point and the steps. Heart over head.

9. Enjoy the journey Make your goals a constant desire. The reward is in the journey itself, in the wise lessons and experiences you gain along the way and in the people you meet. Being on the road is a success in itself.

10. Get started right now: ganbatte! Whatever it is you want to do, it will only become a reality if you don't put it off until tomorrow. Do it right now. And if at any point you get discouraged, think ganbatte!

5. Don’t give up on your dreams

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/giving-up-on-dreams/

Giving up on your dreams is common. Humans are imperfect beings, and we give up on our dreams for all kinds of reasons. Yet none of these reasons is a real excuse to stop being your best self. Here’s why some may fall prey to limiting beliefs and give up.

1. They’re afraid of failure. Many people operate from a place of fear in life – and fear of failure is one of the most common. When these people fail once, it’s tempting to give up altogether. They say “I’m just not good at this” and take the easy way out: accepting failure.

2. Others don’t believe in them. We aren’t all fortunate enough to be surrounded by supportive friends and family. Don’t give up on your dreams just because other people think you can’t do it. Use it to fuel your hunger and work even harder.

3. They get bored. Working toward your dreams may be exhausting, but not boring. The truth is that if you’re bored, your dreams likely don’t inspire you. It’s time to examine your blueprint and ask yourself: Am I working toward goals that I want, or that others want?

4. They plateau. Athletes, entrepreneurs and celebrities: Every successful person has hit a plateau at some point in their lives. When you feel stuck in life, it’s essential to recognize that plateaus are a normal part of achieving your goals.

5. They crave certainty. Certainty – the need to avoid pain and experience pleasure – is one of the most powerful Six Human Needs. If you’re thinking about giving up on your dreams, ask yourself if you’re really just feeling a need to stay in your comfort zone.

Top reasons to never give up

Giving up on your dreams is the easy way out. It’s often more comfortable to let your circumstances or other people dictate your life – but you’ll never find fulfillment that way.

1. Growth is essential to the human experience. If you’re not growing, you’re dying. While success is the goal, the experiences you’ll have along the way are just as valuable because they fulfill our human need for growth. Life – and growth – are what happen when we’re chasing our dreams.

2. You never know how close you are to success. Tony teaches that the smallest changes can yield the biggest results. You are always just two millimeters away from your next success. Your breakthrough could be right around the corner. Don’t give up on your dreams when you’re so close.

3. You’ll always wonder what could have been. We all know people with regrets – and no one wants to end up like them. They’re the people who are living in the past and always thinking about what might have been. That’s where you’ll end up if you give up on your dreams.

4. The reward is great. Nothing compares to the feeling you get when you finally create an extraordinary life. You’ll jump out of bed each morning with excitement. You’ll have financial freedom and passionate relationships. You’ll live in a state of constant joy and abundance.

How to stop giving up on your dreams

Building the life of your dreams takes dedication and focus. With hard work and the right plan, you can overcome anything. Don’t give up on your dreams – use these approaches instead.

1. Change your story

Tony says, “The only thing keeping you from what you want is your story about why you can’t have it.” Giving up on dreams isn’t about the outside world – it’s about finding an unstoppable belief in yourself. It’s about recognizing the limiting beliefs that are holding you back and changing your story so you feel empowered instead.

2. Connect to your purpose

When most people are tempted to give up on their dreams, it isn’t because they’re lazy or bored. It’s because they’ve set goals that they aren’t truly passionate about. If you’re feeling uninspired, don’t give up on your dreams. Discover your ultimate purpose in life and connect every action you take and decision you make back to that purpose. You’ll reignite your inspiration.

3. Turn obstacles into opportunities

The difference between success and failure is your perspective. Successful people reframe challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. They find the lesson in every failure and apply it to their future decisions. They know that life happens for you, not to you. Shift your mindset in this way, and giving up on dreams is no longer an option.

4. Make a strategy

It’s easy to tell yourself “Don’t give up on your dreams,” but it’s much harder to turn willpower into action. “Willpower by itself is not enough. If we want to achieve lasting change, we must have an effective strategy,” Tony says. Take massive action today to begin getting what you want in life.

5. Celebrate small successes

You don’t have to wait to start celebrating your success. Every day is a gift, and every day we accomplish something. Once you’ve made a strategy, make sure you’re recognizing and celebrating the smaller steps that will get you to your big goal. And always practice gratitude for all that you have. You’ll attract positive energy that will propel you toward your dreams.

7. Grit: step into your pain

Stepping into your pain

There is nothing that requires more courage than sustaining an intimate relationship. It can be incredibly difficult to reveal your deepest fears and insecurities to another person. Because to be truly vulnerable with another, you have to open up and let them see who you really are. That can be absolutely terrifying! So, rather than doing the challenging work and revealing who you are to someone else, most live their lives on the surface and never form a lasting, passionate connection with another person.

When you’re unhappy in your relationship, it can be easy to put the blame on your partner or other events outside your control. But the truth is, where your relationship is stems directly from where you are. It’s easy to be distracted and to blame our partners or external events for the state of the union. But if you want to create real, lasting change in your relationship and achieve a level of intimacy and passion and connection that you’ve always dreamed about – then you have to look within. It starts with you, and it starts by stepping into your pain.

https://youtu.be/IS80gXahcpQ

Stepping into your pain means learning how to face your fears head on. It means immersing yourself in them, rather than avoiding or even denying them altogether, which most tend to do. Yes, it sounds intimidating, and surely you could think of a thousand things you’d rather do. But by making the decision to step into your pain, you are also making the decision to liberate yourself, commit to your romantic relationship and even to create a new life.

It takes real courage to face your innermost challenges and to be absolutely vulnerable with your partner. But when you take the leap, you will be able grow in ways that you never have before. And, ultimately, you will learn how to connect with yourself and with your partner on an even deeper and more meaningful level.

TOTAL COMMITMENT TO THE TRUTH

How do you “step into your pain”? When will you learn how to face fear head on?

The first step is to make a total commitment to the truth. You have to be willing to be open-minded and open-hearted with yourself and your partner. Because this is the only path toward opening up a new sense of awareness.

Ask yourself – what are you scared of? Where is your pain and your resistance coming from?

The truth isn’t always easy – it’s not easy to handle and it’s not always easy to find because a lot of us hide it from ourselves. But it’s in that moment of recognizing “I am scared” and then making the decision to follow that fear — that is how real change is made.

Most people are too scared to follow their fears and address them head on. It’s easier to pull back than to dive in. But by taking the first step to acknowledge your fears, your insecurities and your pain – you are creating a new sense of awareness and honesty. And now you will be in a better position to see it and take a more objective perspective.

TWO BIGGEST FEARS

Now that you have committed yourself to the truth, you must understand that there are two deep-seated fears that every single human shares. First, there is the fear that you are not enough. Second, there is the fear that you will not be loved. No matter how confident you are, no matter if you are the President of the United States, or the greatest athlete in the world, every single person has these two fears.

How do these two fears manifest in your life? What challenges have they presented for you in your relationship? Perhaps you shut down in the midst of conflict. Or maybe you run away from responsibilities in a relationship when things get too serious. Do you lash out when you feel scared? What are the times you feel alone in your relationship?

Understanding these fundamental fears can help you become more aware of where your pain and insecurities stem from. And you will be better able to see just why you are holding back. Often times, we try to preserve an identity or cling so desperately to rules that we have constructed that we don’t allow ourselves to be trusting and vulnerable with our partner. We do that because we are scared of life outside those boundaries. Take the time to analyze and assess, and become really curious about why you construct these walls in the first place.

COURAGE

It’s easy to cling to what we know already. After all, certainty is a fundamental human need. It takes courage to detach and step into your fear because you’re not sure what will happen when you tell someone about your fears. Now, courage doesn’t mean you’re not scared. It actually means you are terrified, but you do it anyway. Remember, it’s not courage if it’s not hard.

By using that courage to detach from the familiar and delve into the unknown, you will start to wake up. You are going to see the other side of the coin, where you are so much more. You are going to discover the real you and see how you’ve been selling yourself short all this time. You are going to see how you are creating the relationship you are in – good or bad. And you are going to see how it is entirely within your power to create an extraordinary, magnificent relationship.

So harness your courage, make this decision and take the leap. You will learn what it really is to be vulnerable. And you will see what it is to truly experience intimacy with a partner. To be free and liberated. To be yourself. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what we all yearn for?

7. Be kind to yourself

As parents, we all want the best for our children. We want them to succeed in life and reach their full potential. But what does that success look like? And how do we achieve it?

Meet the parents of little Matt. They're on a mission to find the perfect school for their four-year-old. They visit the first school, let's call it "The Pressure Cooker", where the focus is on pushing children to their limits and achieving maximum performance. The director speaks of "hard work" and "wonder children" with no room for weakness. The parents leave feeling horrified, not wanting their child to be in a environment where punishment and reward are the only means of motivation.

Next up, they visit "The Playground", a school where the headmistress uses words like "play", "cooperation" and "development". She emphasizes that making mistakes is encouraged as it is the best way to learn. The parents leave feeling pleasantly surprised and already have "The Playground" in their minds as the right choice for Matt.

But this scenario isn't just limited to choosing a school for Matt. It's also a reflection of how we view and treat ourselves. How often do we put ourselves under the same pressure as "The Pressure Cooker" and believe that punishment and reward are the only means to success? How often do we let the voice of our inner critic, like a friend who says "You can't do anything," "You'll never get a job again," or "What a dirty pimple," dictate our self-worth?

It's time to shift our perspective and choose the path of "The Playground" in our own lives. Let's encourage ourselves to make mistakes and learn from them, let's view success as a journey of growth and development, not just achieving maximum performance.

So, which school would you choose for Matt? And more importantly, which path will you choose for yourself?

If you’re a high achiever, you may tend toward perfectionism and competitiveness. You hold yourself to high standards and accept nothing less than what you know you can achieve. This inner drive is often a good thing, but it can lead you to be too hard on yourself.

On the flip side, many people live with self-doubt and fear that stems from their childhood experiences. You don’t have to be over-confident all the time, but being too hard on yourself will hold you back.

Both of these personality types are prone to anxiety and negative self-talk. If you find that you’re constantly putting yourself down and wondering “Why am I so hard on myself?” it’s time to build your confidence and take back control of your thoughts.

Take the first step free yourself from negative thoughts

Why am I so hard on myself?

Our beliefs create our world. Yet beliefs are not equal to facts. Our beliefs are formed through our own interpretation of five areas: environment, past events, past results, current knowledge and future vision. When it comes to being hard on yourself, past events and experiences, especially in childhood, are the most powerful influence on our beliefs.

External experiences

Children tend to cope with their experiences by internalizing them – blaming themselves for what’s going on around them. If you grew up with parents who fought constantly or in an unstable household, you may be hard on yourself because you blame yourself for things that were out of your control.

Shame

Similarly, you might have had a parent who criticized you constantly or blamed you for their own faults. There may have been an adult in your life who made you feel embarrassed or guilty. Even our siblings can cause us to feel ashamed, whether they mean to or not.

Inadequacy

If you grew up in a home where you always had to bring home As and keep your room spotless, you probably have feelings of perfectionism that cause you to be hard on yourself. A parent who was distant or unaffectionate can cause us to feel undeserving – and yet crave affection more than anything.

You may not even remember the experiences that led you to be so hard on yourself. The important thing is to realize that you’ve been conditioned by your past – but you don’t have to let it control your future.

How to stop being hard on yourself

It’s easy to get used to living your life in a state of fear and doubt. It can even become normal – we start to think that this is who we really are. But you can learn to stop being hard on yourself.

Change your limiting beliefs

All of our experiences shape the value that we put on each of the six human needs: certainty, variety, significance, love/connection, growth and contribution. Negative childhood experiences often leave people with a strong need for significance or love and connection, because they didn’t receive these growing up. Yet they also leave people with limiting beliefs.

Common limiting beliefs are that we’re not worthy of love, not strong enough to face failure or that we don’t deserve the life we want. You may think to yourself that you’ve always been overweight, or bad at sports, or unlucky. We use our past experiences to reinforce this negative perception of ourselves.

Living with limiting beliefs is like driving with the emergency brake on. You won’t get very far – and you definitely won’t reach your full potential. Identify your negative belief systems and replace them with empowering beliefs that lift you up instead of holding you back.

Transform your self-talk

When was the last time you listened to your inner monologue? Living in your own head is dangerous, especially if you are always too hard on yourself. You probably have a habit of negative thoughts, an untrustworthy brain that’s filled with saboteurs and self-doubt.

According to Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence, saboteurs are the parts of our personality that create negative self-talk. The Hyper-Achiever saboteur causes thoughts like, “If I can’t be the best, I don’t deserve anything.” The Judge may keep bringing up past mistakes. The Victim causes you to wallow in negative feelings.

Once you’ve identified these belief and thought patterns, you can transform your self-talk and start thinking positive. Catch harmful thoughts as they occur and replace them with optimism and confidence. It may feel awkward at first, but soon you’ll find the negative thoughts are gone. Discover your blueprint

Another useful exercise to answer the question “Why am I so hard on myself?” is what Tony calls creating your blueprint. This will show you how to determine and apply your values to every area of your life.

First, what’s an area of your life you’re happy with, and why? Be specific. Maybe you’re happy with your career because you just got a promotion. Maybe you’re in a fulfilling relationship that is a true meeting of the souls. Then ask, what’s an area of your life you’re not happy with, and why? This is most likely the area in which you’re being so hard on yourself.

Now, realize that whenever you’re happy with an area of your life, it’s because it matches your blueprint – your belief about how life needs to be in that area. If you’re not happy with a certain area, determine what would make you happy, set goals and start achieving them!

9. Push vs. pull Are you motivated by necessity – or possibility?

Ask someone why he went to work for his present company or why he bought his current car or house. Some people are motivated primarily by necessity, rather than by what they want. They do something because they must. They’re not pulled to take action by what is possible. They’re not looking for infinite varieties of experience. They go through life taking what comes and what is available. When they need a new job or a new house or a new car, or even a new spouse, they go out and accept what is available.

Others are motivated to look for possibilities. They’re motivated less by what they have to do than by what they want to do. They seek options, experiences, choices and paths. The person who is motivated by necessity is interested in what’s known and what’s secure. The person who is motivated by possibility is equally interested in what’s not known. He wants to know what can evolve, what opportunities might develop.

If you were an employer, which kind of person would you most want to hire? Some people would probably answer, “The person who is motivated by possibility.” After all, having a rich sense of potential makes for a richer life. Instinctively, most of us (even a lot of people who are motivated by necessity) would advocate the virtues of remaining open to an infinite variety of new directions.

In reality, it’s not that cut-and-dried. There are jobs that require attention to detail, steadfastness and consistency. Let’s say you’re a quality-control inspector at an auto plant. A sense of possibility is nice. However, what you might need most is a sense of necessity. You need to know exactly what’s needed, and you have to verify that it’s being done. Someone motivated by possibility would probably be bored stiff in a job like that, while someone motivated by necessity would feel perfectly attuned to it.

People who are motivated by necessity have other virtues as well. Some jobs place a particular virtue on permanence. When you fill them, you want someone who’ll last for a long time. A person motivated by possibilities is always looking for new options, new enterprises and new challenges. If he finds another job that seems to offer more potential, there’s a good chance he’ll leave. Not so the somewhat plodding soul who is motivated by necessity. He takes a job when he needs one. He sticks with it because working is a necessity of life.

There are many jobs that cry out for a dreamy-eyed, swashbuckling, risk-taking believer in possibility. If your company were diversifying into a whole new field, you’d want to hire someone who’ll be attuned to all of the possibilities. And there are other jobs that place a premium on solidity, consistency and longevity. For those jobs you need someone who is motivated most by what he needs. It’s equally important to know what your own personal metaprograms are so that if you’re looking for a job, you can select one that will best support your needs.

The same principle works in motivating your children. Let’s say you’re trying to stress the virtues of education and going to a good college. If your child is motivated by necessity, you have to show her why she needs a good education. You can tell her about all the jobs that absolutely require a degree. You can explain why you need a foundation in math to be a good engineer or in language skills to be a good teacher.

If your kid is motivated by possibility, you would take a different approach. She’s bored by what she has to do, so you’d stress the infinite possibilities open to those with a good education. Show her how learning itself is the greatest avenue for possibility. Fill her brain with images of new avenues to be explored, new dimensions to be opened, new things to be discovered. With each child the result will be the same, although the way you lead her there is very different.

10. How to develop inner strength

What are the top traits you think of for small business owners? You might think of leadership, an independent mindset or a hunger for success. These certainly are all traits of great leaders and entrepreneurs, but where do all those traits come from? The answer is inner strength.

Learning how to develop inner strength is a must for any entrepreneur. It will give you the ability to overcome obstacles and bounce back from failures – because failures are inevitable. Tony has said, “I don’t know anybody who’s been successful in life and business who hasn’t been devastated multiple times. The only difference is they get back up immediately.” That resilience comes from inner strength.

What is inner strength?

Inner strength is a deep, unstoppable belief in yourself. It doesn’t depend on the actions of anyone else, and it doesn’t depend on your circumstances. Most people realize that finding inner strength is likely to benefit relationships and feelings of overall well-being. And many more have a vague concept of inner strength but haven’t pinned down a precise definition.

So what is inner strength really, and how does one go about developing more of it?

Inner strength is a concept open for interpretation. Psychologists use the term “inner strength” to refer loosely to the wide range of mental and emotional resources (behaviors, skills and attitudes) that keep us stable and adaptable in life. The following are the internal resources every human being has that allow them to adapt, change and bounce back from adversity. Focusing on them will help you discover you’re stronger than you realize.

Adaptive emotional skills: Mindfulness, resilience, empathy

Positive emotions: Love, self-compassion, gratitude

Optimistic outlook: Confidence, openness, determination

Engaged manner: Relaxed, humorous, responsible

Warm personality: Generous, hard-working, wise

Many of these aren’t innate personality traits – they’re skills you can develop with practice. You can learn how to practice gratitude, how to be confident and how to have empathy. Separately, they’ll lead to a more fulfilled and joyful life. But taken together, they are so much more powerful. You’ll be unstoppable. How to develop inner strength

There are real strategies you can incorporate into your everyday life that will cultivate your inner strength and help you unleash your power.

1. Use empowering rituals

Tony’s mentor Jim Rohn has said, “Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do.” They don’t have more time in the day. They just use it more wisely by building empowering habits. Incorporate the power of priming into your morning rituals. This dynamic technique helps you adjust your mindset and set the tone for your day. Other rituals include incantations and goal visualization. Tony even likes to take a cold plunge in the morning to invigorate himself, followed by a lean, healthy breakfast.

2. Understand that your choices define your life

Humans are the only beings with the gift of consciousness. We are the only living things that can choose what meaning we assign to our experiences. We can find the positive. We can change our story in deep and meaningful ways. We don’t have to let our circumstances define us. Those with inner strength face tough decisions head on and use them to become stronger. They take responsibility for themselves because they realize that they are the architect of their lives.

3. Raise your standards

It sounds straightforward, and it is. As Tony says, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” Expect more, and you will get more. Use the power of proximity and surround yourself with successful people who have achieved what you want, and thanks to the law of attraction, you’ll also get more of it. Find a mentor or get professional coaching that will lift you up and help you achieve your goals. Raise your standards and you’ll improve your life.

4. Discover your purpose

Purpose is what drives us all to be our absolute best. Your purpose in life isn’t to gain wealth or material things. It usually goes back to one of our most powerful human needs: contribution. How will you give back to the world? When you are looking back on your life, what will be your biggest accomplishment? Your biggest regret? These are the questions you must ask to find your purpose. When you do, inner strength naturally follows.

5. Turn your “shoulds” into “musts”

As Tony says, “One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.” We say, “I should lose weight,” or “I should find a new job,” but we never take action. A must is something that you cannot live without doing. And when it comes to living the life of your dreams, every single step you need to take to get there is a “must.”

6. Let go of the past

Your past is only your future if you live there. Everyone has failed. Everyone has had challenges and setbacks. The difference between those who ultimately become successful and those who give up is the ability to find the lesson in the failure, assign it a positive meaning, then get back up and keep going. Stop feeding yourself disempowering stories of past mistakes and failures. Change the script in your mind and only allow positive thoughts.

7. Focus

This might be the most important of all. “Where focus goes, energy flows,” says Tony, and if you put your focus on your future goals, the sky is the limit. Don’t dwell on what has gone wrong or could go wrong. Remember, there is no moment but the present. The past is over, and the future only lives in your imagination. Make the decision today to focus on what really matters: achieving your goals. With a single-minded purpose, your own defeats and negative experiences become small and insignificant. set yourself up for success

8. Look to previous experiences

The experiences you’ve had so far in life are valuable tools for building inner strength. When you’re having a hard time finding inner strength, ask yourself: What belief or feeling (like self-confidence or enthusiasm) would make finding inner strength easier right now? Have I had more (or less) of that feeling in the past – and what has changed since then? When you learn from previous experiences, everything becomes a resource.

9. Set yourself up for success

Developing your internal resources takes more than just asking “What is inner strength?” It means priming yourself to find the strength you’re seeking. Set yourself up for success by building a routine and empowering mindset. Focus on your strengths and how you’ll use them to get to the next step.  Why is inner strength important?

Walt Disney was fired from his first job. J.K. Rowling was divorced and nearly homeless when she started writing Harry Potter. Bill Gates was a college dropout and owned several failed businesses. NFL star quarterback Nick Foles discussed his failures – and how they shaped his path to finding inner strength – on a Tony Robbins podcast. Certainly none of these achievers would have become so extraordinary without the capacity for finding inner strength.

But mastering how to develop inner strength has even greater benefits than helping you achieve your entrepreneurial dreams. It gives you a sense of peace and meaning. It is a well of energy you can draw from to keep you going through the toughest of times.

People with inner strength forgive easily, because they know that they can only control their own actions and that their happiness is not dependent on others. They know the power of positive thinking to take control of their state and transform their mindset. In fact, one of Tony’s favorite quotes on finding inner strength is, “The power of positive thinking is the ability to generate a feeling of certainty in yourself when nothing in the environment supports you.”

At one Date With Destiny event, a young woman named Dawn epitomized this idea. Dawn escaped a cult at the age of 13, driven only by her deep belief that there was something more to life. As an adult, she made a choice: She took back her power, changed her story and found her purpose as a therapist helping others. Dawn’s story is powerful – but you don’t have to experience tragedy or hit personal rock bottom as a prerequisite to finding inner strength. Inner strength quotes

Need some inspiration? These quotes on finding inner strength from Tony and his friends will energize you to realize your full potential.

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.” – Tony Robbins “Failure is a part of life. It’s a part of building character and growing. Without failure, who would you be?” – Nick Foles “The ultimate breakthrough happens by conditioning your mind every single day.” – Tony Robbins “If you’re saying you can’t do something, why are you here? You’ve already made the decision in your mind that you can’t do it.” – Michael Phelps “The greatest moments in my life have all come after the greatest challenges.” – Shaun White “I believed in my potential. I believed I deserved it, and I used the mantra, ‘Why not me?.’” – Ellen Latham, Orangetheory Fitness

Building inner strength isn’t always easy, and it’s OK to have a bad day once in a while. We are all human, and life sometimes throws curve balls we aren’t expecting. It’s important to remember that “Life is not happening to you, it’s happening for you,” as Tony says. Discovering your purpose opens the door to finding inner strength and contentment. And then, there is nothing you can’t do.

11. Tips for tough times

1. Express your feelings

Picture a boiling tea kettle. It builds up pressure until finally the steam is released – or the kettle explodes. Emotions are like the steam in a tea kettle: they’re going to come out one way or another. Avoiding your feelings allows them to build up inside you. They mutate into anxiety and depression. They express themselves through bad habits like drinking.

Don’t numb yourself to feelings. Talk about them. Write about them. Cry. Draw. Listen to music. Allow yourself to feel. Letting your emotions out will take away their power. You’ll clear your mind and open yourself to the lesson they’re going to teach you. Only then will you be able to overcome tough times.

2. Change your physiology

When we’re happy, we smile. When we’re going through tough times, we cry. When we’re nervous, we tremble. It seems straightforward: our emotions affect our physiology. But the reverse is also true: physiology can dictate our feelings – our bodies change our minds.

The act of smiling can make us happier. That’s because our brains release feel-good hormones when we smile – even if we don’t mean it. Power posing is another strategy to change your physiology and your mindset. Adopting poses with your hands on your hips or your arms in a victorious “V” can make you feel more powerful. In tough times, any catalyst to recognize your own power and take action is welcome.

3. Focus on what you can control

Everyone who is going through tough times has a choice: What are you going to focus on? There may be plenty of things that you can’t control, but nobody ever got anywhere by focusing on those things. You’re only setting yourself up for frustration and anxiety. You must decide to focus on things you can control.

Get a piece of paper and make two columns. In one column write down all the things you can’t control; in the other, write down what you do have control over. Cross everything off that first column and choose to focus on the second. When you empower yourself to take action by changing your focus, tough times start to seem more like an opportunity than a setback.

4. Change your perspective

Just as we choose what to focus on, we choose what meaning we give to our experiences. In tough times, it’s up to you to decide what it means. You can look at your situation as an end or as a beginning. You can see it as a curse or as a blessing. Tony says that “Every experience of your life has gifts for you.” Believe that, and going through tough times gets a little bit easier.

Practicing gratitude is a proven way to stop dwelling on the negative and start seeing the positive. When you look for what’s right instead of what’s wrong, you’re forced to take a step back and see the bigger picture. Everyone experiences tough times. Everyone feels that life is out of control sometimes. But someone else is happy with less than what you have, and that means you can be happy, too.

5. Prioritize self-care

It’s easy to get burnt out in tough times. Maybe you’ve been laid off and spend your days sending out résumés – but not hearing back. Or your spouse lost their job and now you’re dealing with extra pressure, plus family responsibilities. You don’t even need to have experienced a specific event in order to be going through tough times: Humans experience collective emotions, meaning you could be affected by the mood of society in general.

Taking care of yourself and your loved ones is especially important during tough times. Mindfulness practices like priming or meditation can clear your head and stabilize your mood. Exercise releases stress and increases energy. Dancing along to your favorite song or watching a funny video clip gets you out of your head for a moment, so you can come back even stronger.

6. Find support

Your support system is also a form of self-care: The people you surround yourself with have a real impact on your mood and your mindset. Friends who are there for you in tough times provide a shoulder to cry on and trusted advice. Just make sure you’re not focusing on the negative. The best friends will help you formulate a vision for your life after tough times, too.

Coaching can be an invaluable tool for going through tough times. An honest outside opinion can make you see things the way they really are. A coach will also help you formulate goals and continue to move forward no matter what. Success breeds success – once you start seeing growth, you’ll want to achieve even more. You’ll come out of tough times in a better position and be able to accelerate past your peers.

Be prepared

Working on overcoming adversity happens before the tough situation even happens. Train your brain to be resilient by building your inner strength and developing a growth mindset. Examine your limiting beliefs to uncover what’s holding you back. Develop a support system that you can fall back on.

When the time comes to dig deep and uncover how to overcome adversity, you’ll be prepared. Lean into the work that you’ve already done and use your inner strength to handle the situation. This becomes easier the more you prepare yourself.

2. Practice positivity

How does a person overcome adversity? Through mindset work and practice. Often, it is more about the way they frame the things that happen to them than the actual things that happen. Take a step back and reframe the problem in a positive way. Catch any negative self-talk and replace it with empowering beliefs that help you work toward your goal rather than undermine it. The more you shift yourself toward a positive mindset, the more equipped you will be to overcome adversity.

3. Stay disciplined

When tough times hit, it can feel like your life is out of control. Stop yourself from spiraling out of control by establishing strong rituals to be used as a tool for overcoming adversity. When you create and actively practice positive habits like priming, meditation and daily exercise, you’re preparing your mind and body for adversity. Though it may be hard, sticking to a daily routine through good times and bad will bring order and empowerment to your life. It will make you feel more grounded in your ability to overcome adversity and achieve your goals.

4. Stay focused

Getting what you want in life is all about focus. No matter what happens, you must keep your eye on the prize. Remember why you wanted your goal: it’s your purpose, your passion, your reason for living. Remembering why you wanted your goal is just as important as actively working toward it. Visualize your life when you’ve achieved your dreams to make it feel more possible and achievable. When your goal feels within reach, it is easier to keep taking actions to achieve it. Stay focused on your ultimate goal no matter what. Destructive thinking will only get in your way when you’re learning how to overcome adversity.

5. Find the lesson

Realizing that life happens for you, not to you, is key to overcoming adversity. Every event in your life can teach you something. Those who are able to find the lessons will succeed. Those who blame their circumstances on others will fail. Take responsibility for what has happened to you and how you reacted to the situation. Evaluate what happened and why. Come up with a plan or establish a process to prevent it from happening in the future. Then move on.

Dwelling on your mistakes and failures only takes time away from achieving your goals. When it comes to mistakes, as Steve Jobs said, “It’s best to admit them quickly and get on with improving your other innovations.”

6. Work on your skills

Think of some of the most successful people on Earth. All of them put in the time to improve their skills and take their talents to the next level. The greatest leaders and most successful people know that there is always room for improvement. As Tony says, “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.”

Overcoming adversity is about taking an honest look at your own knowledge and skills, acknowledging your shortcomings and working to improve them, every day. In addition to the skills that tie directly to your profession or goal, work on other things that will benefit you no matter what your goal is. Learn how to speak clearly and confidently in public. Improve your networking finesse. Increase your finance and management knowledge. When you are prepared for multiple situations, you’ll feel more confident about your future and your ability to overcome adversity.

7. Learn from others

To answer the question, “How do people overcome adversity?” go straight to the source. Think of the people you know who you admire. Ask them how they got there. Hear their stories. Listen to their examples of overcoming adversity.

In addition to learning from real-life examples, read the biographies of people who have achieved what you want in life. From Oprah Winfrey to Bill Gates, there’s no shortage of examples of overcoming adversity. Need a quick pick-me-up? Find inspirational quotes to post on your mirror or fridge. Proactively feed your mind the same way you feed your body and you’ll change your entire state.

8. Elevate your peer group

Surround yourself with people who also want to grow. Success stories can help you learn how to overcome adversity – but all the research in the world won’t help if you’re surrounding yourself with people who aren’t growing the way you are. As Tony says, “The quality of a person’s life is most often a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.”

You are who you hang out with. If you want to bounce back from challenges, live optimistically and stay focused, you need to surround yourself with people who support you and are actively working on doing the same in their own lives. Stay away from people who will hold you back.

9. Get a coach

Overcoming adversity takes just the right blend of positivity, realism, passion and real-life skills. Combine these things with your inner strength and a strong outer support system to elevate your life. A Results Coach can help you balance it all and stay on track. They’re professionally trained in the art of overcoming adversity. They can give you the mix of guidance, goal setting and tough love you need to get through tough times and come out the other side stronger and wiser. A coach is trained to help people learn how to overcome adversity and become the best version of themselves.

10. Don’t give up

As Tony says, “persistence overshadows even talent as the most valuable resource shaping the quality of life.” Some good real-life examples of overcoming adversity include when surfer Mick Fanning got back on his surfboard just six days after a shark attack, or when Stephen King’s classic novel Carrie was rejected 30 times. When Thomas Edison tested thousands of methods before making a successful lightbulb, he did not quit. In fact, he famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” That’s the perfect way to sum up how to overcome adversity.

Adversity happens to everyone but it doesn’t need to derail our lives. Learning how to overcome adversity is a life skill that everyone must master. We just need to learn how to handle it in a way that will bring us to the other side without exhausting us. Learn more tips on how to overcome adversity and master every area of your life through Tony Robbins Inner Circle or one of his signature events, like Unleash the Power Within, Date With Destiny or Life Mastery. When you feed your mind with positive thoughts and stories, amazing things will happen.

12. Quotes & Reminders

1. Research shows that what makes the most successful achievers is grit; the level of commitment, discipline, resilience and perseverance.

2. World-class discipline (get up early, do what’s right and not what’s easy, finish what you start). Beneath every excuse, is a fear. Confront your fear, what you resist will persist and what you befriend will transient.

3. There is no limit on better. Talent is distributed unfairly, but there is no limit on how much we can improve what we start with. Ceaseless repetition. Be excuseless in following through. Each time you follow through, you connect with your greater self.

4. You don’t have the brain you want, you have the brain you have earned.

5. If you get stuck, think long-term over the short-term. Motivation = purpose X energy X Simple small steps

6. Ghandi started as a small-time lawyer. Every master starts as a beginner. Start somewhere. Anywhere. Zeigarnik effect: uncompleted tasks create a level of tension that keeps that task at the front of our minds until it is completed.

7. Discipline is the source. Self-trust: discipline is the power of promise-keeping. Procrastination is an act of self-hatred

8. When I feel like surrendering, I continue. Push further. Triumph loves the relentless. Consistency is the DNA of mastery. When you feel like quitting, is time you must continue advancing. At that moment you feel you can’t go further lies an enormous opportunity to forge an entirely new level of willpower. In short: when you feel like quitting, progress just a little longer. Push.

9. The 1 general theory of self-discipline Spartans: to regularly do that which is hard but important when it feels most uncomfortable is how warriors are born.

10. Dedication and discipline beats brilliance and giftedness every day of the week

11. World-class is a process, not an event

12. The hero does not become great during periods of comfort. To persist in the instant when you feel like giving up is to claim your membership among the great warriors and honorable characters who led humanity to a better place through their earned invincibility.

13. Will power weaken when tired = ego depletion. Never allow your self-control muscle to get too tired.

14. Part-time commitment truly does deliver part-time results

15. To make something good, just do it. To make something great, just re-do it, re-do it, re-do it. The secret to making fine things is in remaking them.

16. Everything is hard before it is easy. The day before something is a breakthrough, it’s a stupid idea.

17. The way you practice in private is precisely the way you will perform once you are in public.

18. Pain can be a teacher if you use it, and do not let it use you. Use pain to drive you to make things happen.

19. The reality is that you do motivation.

Conclusion

Quiz

How can you apply this in life today

1. Write down all the disadventages you have to face if you do not learn how to use these materials? What will it cost you right now and in the future? The key is to don’t make it an intellectual thing, feel the emotions. Really feel the pain if you skip.

2. Same exercise: but now visualize the benefits. Feel them, own them and enter the quantum model.

Food for thought

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