Summary

Have you ever found yourself trying to change your thoughts in order to change your behavior, only to feel like you're going in circles? It can be frustrating to feel like you're stuck in a rut, but the good news is that it's often easier to change your behavior in order to change your thoughts. By acting out the change you seek and establishing new habits, you can more easily shift your mindset and achieve your goals.

To make a new habit last, it's important to connect it with an existing pattern. This can be as simple as incorporating your new habit into your daily routine, such as adding a morning meditation session before you have your coffee or going for a walk after dinner every night. This helps the new habit feel more natural and makes it easier to stick with over time.

Another key to establishing lasting habits is to go inward and connect with your true self. What are your values? What are your goals? By identifying your priorities, you can more easily determine which habits will serve you and which ones will hold you back.

One way to jumpstart your habit-forming journey is to "always do what you are afraid to do." This can be intimidating at first, but by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, you'll develop the courage and resilience needed to take on bigger challenges.

According to Robin Sharma, the process of developing and maintaining excellent habits follows a specific "lifetime habit arc." This arc consists of four phases: destruction, expansion, integration, and automation. During the destruction phase, which lasts for 20-22 days, you focus on destroying old habits and replacing them with new ones. This can be a challenging time, as it requires a lot of willpower to break free from established patterns. However, by pushing through this phase, you'll set the stage for the next phase: expansion.

During the expansion phase, which lasts for 21-28 days, you focus on expanding the new habit to other areas of your life. This helps to embed the habit more deeply and makes it easier to stick with over time. The third phase, integration, involves integrating the new habit into your identity. This phase lasts for 21-28 days and helps the habit become more natural and automatic. Finally, during the automation phase, which lasts for 21-30 days, the habit becomes fully automatic and no longer requires conscious effort to maintain.

In addition to the lifetime habit arc, another helpful framework for establishing new habits is the "habit loop" developed by Jim Kwik. This loop consists of three prompts: a cue, a routine, and a reward. The cue is the trigger that initiates the habit, such as the time of day or a specific location. The routine is the actual habit itself, such as exercising or meditating. The reward is the positive outcome you experience as a result of completing the habit, such as feeling energized or more focused. By identifying these three prompts, you can more easily create a habit loop that works for you.

If you're just starting out on your habit-forming journey, here are seven personal habits of agelessness to consider incorporating into your routine:

1. Exercise regularly

2. Get plenty of sleep

3. Eat a healthy, balanced diet

4. Practice mindfulness and meditation

5. Stay hydrated

6. Practice gratitude

7. Cultivate positive relationships

By focusing on these habits and following the lifetime habit arc and habit loop frameworks, you'll be well on your way to establishing lasting habits that will serve you for years to come.

“Each time you vote for your superior self, you starve your weaker side. If everything seems under control, you are not going fast enough. The soreness of growth is so much less expensive than the devastating costs of regret. Showing up at world-class: legendary performers practice being spectacular for so long that they no longer remember how to behave in non-spectacular ways.”- Robin Sharma in 5AM.

1. Start with atomic habits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ7lDrwYdZc

2. Behind Excellent Habits

Willpower is not a natural ability, but rather a skill that can be developed through consistent practice. Similar to muscle, personal discipline can be strengthened by stretching it through challenges and adversity. It is important to take breaks and allow for recovery in order to maintain willpower and avoid decision fatigue. Establishing virtuous habits follows a specific four-part process, outlined in the habit installation protocol, which can lead to lasting results. Developing self-control in one area of your life can also lead to improvements in self-control in all areas of your life.

3. How to start your atomic habits?

Creating new habits can be a challenging but rewarding process. Here are a few key things to consider when establishing new habits:

1. Identify your goals: Before you start trying to create new habits, it's important to have a clear understanding of what you want to achieve. This can help you determine which habits will be most helpful and give you a sense of direction.

2. Start small: It's often easier to establish new habits if you start with small, manageable goals. For example, rather than trying to exercise for an hour every day, you might start by committing to a 10-minute walk every morning.

3. Make a plan: Once you've identified your goals and determined the habits you want to establish, create a plan for how you will incorporate these habits into your routine. This might involve setting specific times of day for certain habits or finding ways to make them part of your daily routine.

4. Be consistent: Consistency is key to making new habits stick. Try to practice your new habits at the same time every day to help them become automatic.

5. Be patient: It can take time for new habits to become fully ingrained, so it's important to be patient and persistent. Don't get discouraged if you slip up or have trouble sticking with your new habits at first - just keep trying and eventually they will become second nature.

6. Celebrate your progress: As you make progress with your new habits, be sure to celebrate your achievements. This can help keep you motivated and reinforce the positive feelings associated with your new habits.

To achieve long-term success, it's important to be persistent and consistent in your efforts. Maintaining high levels of performance consistently is essential to truly excel, rather than just achieving one-time greatness. Your level of self-respect is tied to your dedication to completing what you start, and how you practice when no one is watching is a good predictor of how you will perform when you have an audience.

4. How long should I install habits? The 66-day Habit Installation Protocol

It is a commonly held belief that it takes about 66 days to form a new habit. This idea is based on a study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology in 2009, which found that it took participants an average of 66 days to form a new habit. However, it is important to note that the length of time it takes to form a new habit can vary greatly from person to person, and can depend on a variety of factors, including the complexity of the behavior, the individual's motivation and ability to perform the behavior, and the presence of supportive environmental cues. Some research suggests that it may take longer than 66 days to form a new habit, while other research suggests that it may take shorter periods of time. Ultimately, the length of time it takes to form a new habit will depend on the specific circumstances of the individual trying to establish the habit.

Forming a new habit involves a process of repetition and reinforcement. The basic idea is that by consistently performing a behavior over time, it becomes automatic and becomes a habit. Here are some steps you can follow to try to establish a new habit:

1. Identify the behavior you want to turn into a habit. Make sure it is specific and achievable.

2. Determine the triggers or cues that will prompt you to perform the behavior. These could be specific times of day, locations, or activities.

3. Perform the behavior consistently. Set a goal for how often you will perform the behavior, and make a plan to stick to it.

4. Find ways to reinforce the behavior. This could involve rewarding yourself for performing the behavior, or finding other ways to make the behavior enjoyable or rewarding.

5. Be patient and persistent. It may take time for the behavior to become automatic, so don't get discouraged if you don't see immediate results. Keep working at it and eventually the behavior will become a habit.

Remember that forming a new habit is a process, and it may take time and effort to establish the behavior as a regular part of your routine. It is also important to be patient and persistent, as it may take longer than 66 days for a new habit to form.

The process of establishing a new habit can be divided into three phases:

• destruction (22 days)

• installation (22 days)

• integration (22 days)

Phase 1: Destruction

Phase 1, destruction, is the first 20-22 days of the process, during which you work to break old habits and establish new ones. This phase can be challenging and may require significant effort and willpower to overcome the resistance of your brain to change. Expect a lot of internal opposition and fatigue. Continue at all costs. Hear the voice, watch it disturbing, greet it, ignore it, be kind. It only feels messy and chaotic, this is personal growth and natural order. They don’t say ‘Old habits die hard’ for nothing and this is your willpower will be tested to its breaking point (it can be soul-crushing: perhaps sacrifice your favorite food or parts of your social life).

The resistance comes from our brain that’s used to safe and familiar routines. It resists the changes we are making, as they involve rewiring past programs to achieve the vision that we’ve been dreaming about. Like launching a space shuttle, the first part uses the most amount of fuel as you fight the forces of gravity during take-off. But, once the forces have been overcome, momentum kicks in and the space shuttle can just start to orbit with minimum fuel.

Phase 2: installation

Phase 2, installation, is the next 20-22 days, during which new neural pathways in the brain are formed to support the new behavior. Keep the pieces you love, break those you hate. Continue with persistence at this point. You might see some results already from Phase 1, so that can act as an incentive to continue soldering on to Phase 2.

You may feel uncertain and scared during this phase, as the hormone cortisol is elevated, but with persistence and continued effort, you can begin to integrate the new behavior into your daily life. Some call this the dark night of the soul, or the ‘death and rebirth cycle’. The old you must die so a better you can be reborn. If it helps: envision this phase as the phoenix phase of profound personal transformation. You will be exhausted often at stage two of habit installation and you will feel scared a lot due to cortisol release. Your brain and system are restructured. This is not without a fight. Just remember that we need to ‘rise above the forces of gravity’ (fighting the urge to stick to old habits), until ‘momentum kicks in’ (starting to get used to new habits).

Phase 3 integration

Phase 3, integration, is the final 22-day phase, during which the new behavior becomes integrated into your daily routine and becomes your new normal. At the end of this phase, the wiring of the new behavior is complete in the human operating system, and you no longer need to rely on strength and willpower to perform the behavior. This is known as the "automaticity point." Once you have reached this point, you can use the same process to establish other positive habits to achieve your goals. The purpose of a habit is to remove that action from self-negotiation. You no longer expend energy deciding whether to do it. You just do it. Good habits can range from telling the truth, to flossing.

Ideas will always be just ideas unless you do the work. Do the work for at least 66 days (I personally take 90 days and I do this with my partner so we pull each other through). Remember: life is C between B and D (Sartre): choice between Birth and Death.

5. The habit loop

Habits are actions or behaviors that we perform automatically and regularly, often without conscious thought. They are formed through repetition and reinforcement, and they can be both positive (e.g. exercising regularly) and negative (e.g. procrastinating).

The process of habit formation is often referred to as the "habit loop." This process consists of three stages: the cue, the routine, and the reward. The cue is a trigger that prompts the habit behavior, the routine is the actual behavior or action, and the reward is the positive outcome or feeling that reinforces the behavior.

The habit loop is a psychological concept that describes the process of habit formation. It consists of three stages: the cue, the routine, and the reward.

1. The cue: The cue is a trigger that prompts the habit behavior. Some kind of trigger, sometimes Pavlov-based. It can be a specific time of day, a location, an emotion, or a specific activity. For example, the cue for a habit of checking social media might be the feeling of boredom, or the cue for a habit of exercising might be the time of day (e.g. going for a run in the morning).

2. The routine: The routine is the actual behavior or action that is performed in response to the cue. In the example of checking social media, the routine might be opening a social media app and scrolling through the feed. In the example of exercising, the routine might be going for a run or lifting weights at the gym. This is: Run the code. Don’t think, do.

3. The reward: The reward is the positive outcome or feeling that reinforces the behavior. In the example of checking social media, the reward might be the feeling of connection and social validation that comes from seeing likes and comments on a post. In the example of exercising, the reward might be the feeling of accomplishment and improved physical health that comes from completing a workout.

The habit loop is a cycle that is repeated over and over, and the more we repeat the cycle, the stronger the habit becomes. As we repeat the cycle and the habit becomes more ingrained, the cue and the reward become associated with the routine, and eventually the behavior can be performed automatically and without conscious thought.

It is important to note that habits can be both positive and negative, and it is possible to change or break habits by altering the cue, routine, or reward, or by replacing the negative habit with a positive one. Every time you follow through you will feel the connection with your inner self strengthen (and the other way around).

6. Changing habits by Jim Kwik: WIN

The key to breaking bad habits is to replace them with more constructive ones. How do you make something a habit? WIN from Jim Kwik:

• Want: make you sure really want it. Why?

• Innate: does the new habit you’re trying to adopt align well with your innate abilities?

• Now: create a prompt for yourself that encourages you to perform the new habit now.

To change your behavior based on the habit loop, you can try the following strategies:

1. Identify the cue: The first step in changing a habit is to identify the cue that triggers the behavior. What prompts you to perform the habit? Is it a specific time of day, a location, an emotion, or something else? By identifying the cue, you can better understand the circumstances that lead to the habit behavior.

2. Alter the routine: Once you have identified the cue, you can try changing the routine, or the actual behavior that you perform in response to the cue. For example, if you have a habit of snacking on unhealthy food when you are feeling stressed, you can try replacing the unhealthy snack with a healthy one or finding a different activity to do instead (e.g. going for a walk or doing a puzzle).

3. Find a new reward: The reward is what reinforces the behavior and makes it more likely to occur in the future. By finding a new reward for the behavior, you can change the habit. For example, if you have a habit of procrastinating on work tasks, you can try rewarding yourself with a small treat or activity (e.g. taking a short break or going for a walk) after completing a task, rather than procrastinating.

4. Be consistent: Habits are formed through repetition and reinforcement, so it is important to be consistent in your efforts to change the behavior. Try to consistently practice the new routine and reward yourself for doing so. It may take time and effort to form a new habit, but with practice, it can become automatic and more effortless.

5. Seek support: Changing a habit can be difficult, and it can be helpful to have the support of others. You might consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist, or joining a support group or online community. Having a support system can provide motivation, accountability, and encouragement as you work to change your behavior.

https://gdt.stanford.edu/the-habit-loop

7. A bit of guidance for finding new habits

How to ditch cravings

https://hackernoon.com/embrace-being-a-programmable-biorobot-hack-your-own-cravings-83fc7e79bf12

More guidance

There are so many things you want to get done, but there are only 24 hours in a day. Despite this limitation, some people are able to accomplish a lot in their daily routine, while others get burnt out by the stress of completing everything they think they should be accomplishing.

Most likely there are activities or goals you’d like to be able to work into your current schedule, but you feel like you don’t have the time to complete them. The key to achieving your goals is practicing good habits. We all have good and bad habits that influence how we operate in our daily lives, but it’s up to you to nurture the practices that are beneficial to your life and learn how to eliminate the negative ones.

Take time off

good habits girl laying on bed reading book The first step in learning how to make good habits is realizing that you can’t be working nonstop. Everyone needs downtime, and by giving yourself a much-needed break every now and again, you’ll be able to return to your goals feeling fully focused. Instead of working from 8:00 a.m. until 8:00 p.m. every day without taking any breaks, shorten the work day by coming home early and doing something that fulfills you in a different way — like reading a book, listening to a podcast or exercising.

When developing a list of good habits you aspire to maintain, learning to take regular breaks should be at the top of it. By taking the time you need to mentally and physically refuel, you’ll find yourself feeling more energized and productive.

Spend quality time

good habits woman sitting with dog on grass overlooking beach When was the last time you enjoyed time with loved ones free from distractions? Think about it. Did you feel present when you were with friends and family, or were you instead worrying about your schedule, sending emails and checking your phone for texts from coworkers? One of the best habits to have is being able to spend quality time with those who are important to you. This allows you to connect with people you care about and realize how your goals fit into the context of your overall life.

Are you working nonstop just for yourself, or because you want to better the lives of your loved ones? If it’s the latter, you can work toward reaching this goal in another way by spending uninterrupted quality time with friends and family. This will make you feel more grateful for the things you have, so when it’s time to return to work, you’ve developed the habit of being mindful and appreciative of your life. Do things you enjoy

There’s something admirable about waking up at 6:00 a.m. every day and jumping right into work mode. However, this schedule isn’t sustainable in the long run. To become the best version of you you can be, you have to cultivate good habits into your life, which includes doing things you enjoy.

Being well-rounded is essential to creating a life you love, and the first step is taking time from your busy schedule to do things that make you happy. Whether it’s listening to your favorite podcast on the train during your morning commute or reading a story with your children in the evening, you’ll find that by incorporating things you love into daily life, you’ll be better prepared to tackle your goals.

Forming good habits takes time, but if you’re willing to commit to teaching yourself valuable tools for happiness and productivity management, you’ll emerge as a more fulfilled and efficient person.

1. Practice gratitude regularly: Gratitude involves focusing on the things that you are thankful for and expressing appreciation for them. This can help improve mental well-being and increase happiness. Consider keeping a gratitude journal or sharing three things you are grateful for with a friend or family member each day.

2. Get enough sleep: Adequate sleep is essential for overall health and well-being. Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep per night, and create a bedtime routine to help you relax and wind down before sleep.

3. Eat a healthy diet: A balanced diet that includes a variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins can help support physical and mental health. Avoid processed foods and sugary drinks, and aim to eat regular, balanced meals throughout the day.

4. Exercise regularly: This can help improve physical health, boost mental well-being, and increase energy levels. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity, such as brisk walking or cycling, on most days of the week.

5. Stay hydrated: Drinking enough water is important for maintaining energy and concentration, as well as supporting overall health. Aim to drink at least eight 8-ounce glasses of water per day.

6. Develop a daily routine: Having a consistent daily routine can help improve productivity and reduce stress. Consider setting aside specific times for tasks such as exercise, work, and relaxation.

7. Get organized: Being organized can help improve productivity and reduce stress. Consider creating a to-do list or using a planner to help you stay on track and accomplish your goals.

8. Stay connected with others: Strong social connections are important for overall well-being. Make time for social activities and stay in touch with friends and family regularly.

9. Learn something new: Engaging in activities that challenge the brain, such as learning a new skill or hobby, can help improve cognitive function and increase happiness. Consider taking a class or trying a new activity that interests you.

10. Practice mindfulness: Being mindful involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. This can help reduce stress and improve overall well-being. Try incorporating mindfulness activities such as meditation or yoga into your daily routine.

11. Set goals and work towards them: Having clear goals can help provide direction and purpose in life. Consider setting both short-term and long-term goals and regularly reviewing and updating them.

12. Volunteer: Giving back to others can be a rewarding experience and can also improve mental health. Consider volunteering your time or skills to a cause that is important to you.

13. Practice self-care: Taking care of your physical and mental health is important for overall well-being. Make time for activities that nourish your mind and body, such as getting regular exercise, eating a healthy diet, and getting enough sleep.

14. Read regularly: Reading has numerous benefits, including improving vocabulary, enhancing critical thinking skills, and providing a sense of relaxation. Consider setting aside time each day to read, whether it's a book, a magazine, or an online article.

15. Learn to manage time effectively: Time management skills can help increase productivity and reduce stress. Consider using tools such as a planner or to-do list to help you prioritize tasks and manage your time effectively.

16. Practice good personal hygiene: Good personal hygiene, such as regularly washing your hands and brushing your teeth, can help prevent illness and improve overall health.

17. Get outside and enjoy nature: Spending time in nature has been shown to have numerous benefits for physical and mental health. Consider taking a walk in a park, going for a hike, or spending time in a green space regularly.

18. Practice positive self-talk: The way we talk to ourselves can have a big impact on our mental well-being. Try to focus on the positive and be kind to yourself, rather than engaging in negative self-talk or criticism.

19. Practice deep breathing: Deep breathing can help reduce stress and improve relaxation. Try taking slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, and focus on the sensation of the breath moving in and out of your body.

20. Practice meditation: Meditation involves focusing the mind on a particular object, thought, or activity to train attention and awareness. This can help reduce stress and improve overall well-being. There are many different types of meditation, such as mindfulness meditation, mantra meditation, and transcendental meditation. You can try different types to see what works best for you, or try guided meditations using apps or online resources.

21. Get enough vitamin D: Vitamin D is important for bone health and immune system function, and it can also help improve mood. Getting enough vitamin D can be difficult, as it is not found in many foods and is primarily produced by the body through exposure to sunlight. Consider spending time outdoors, taking a vitamin D supplement, or eating foods that are rich in vitamin D, such as fatty fish, eggs, and fortified dairy products.

22. Practice positive affirmations: Positive affirmations are short, positive statements that you repeat to yourself as a way to improve your mindset and self-esteem. Try repeating affirmations to yourself regularly, such as "I am worthy and deserving of love and respect," or "I am capable and capable of achieving my goals."

23. Practice forgiveness: Forgiveness involves letting go of resentment or anger towards someone who has wronged you. This can be challenging, but it can also be beneficial for your mental well-being. Consider using techniques such as writing a letter of forgiveness (but not necessarily sending it), practicing compassion for the person who wronged you, and finding ways to move on from the situation.

24. Learn a new skill: Learning a new skill can be challenging, but it can also be very rewarding. It can help improve cognitive function and increase confidence. Consider taking a class or trying a new hobby that interests you, such as cooking, painting, or playing a musical instrument.

25. Practice relaxation techniques: Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and meditation, can help reduce stress and improve overall well-being. Consider incorporating relaxation techniques into your daily routine, or using them as needed when you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

26. Practice good work-life balance: Finding a balance between work and other aspects of your life is important for overall well-being. Consider setting boundaries around work, making time for leisure activities and hobbies, and taking regular breaks.

27. Practice healthy coping mechanisms: Coping mechanisms are the ways that we deal with stress, challenges, and difficult emotions. Some healthy coping mechanisms include exercise, spending time with friends and family, and seeking support from a therapist or other professional.

28. Practice good stress management: Chronic stress can have negative impacts on both physical and mental health. Practice stress-reducing techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to help manage stress.

29. Practice self-compassion: Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, rather than self-criticism. This can help improve overall well-being and increase self-esteem. Consider practicing self-compassion by speaking to yourself in a kind and understanding way, and reminding yourself that everyone makes mistakes and experiences challenges.

30. Practice good communication skills: Good communication skills involve being able to effectively express your thoughts and feelings and listen actively to others. This can help improve relationships and reduce conflict. Consider taking a communication skills class or seeking out resources to help improve your communication skills.

Seven Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey

This concept identifies seven habits that are believed to be essential for personal effectiveness and success. These habits are:

1. Be proactive: Take initiative and responsibility for your actions, rather than reacting to circumstances or external influences.

2. Begin with the end in mind: Set clear goals and priorities, and make sure that your actions are aligned with your values and long-term vision.

3. Put first things first: Focus on the most important tasks and activities, rather than getting bogged down by less important or urgent tasks.

4. Think win-win: Seek mutually beneficial solutions in relationships and interactions, rather than viewing success as a zero-sum game.

5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood: Listen actively and empathetically to others, and strive to understand their perspectives before seeking to influence them.

6. Synergize: Work effectively with others to achieve greater results than you could achieve individually.

7. Sharpen the saw: Take care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being in order to maintain balance and effectiveness.

8. Bit of inspiration from Tony Robbins: how do I create a habit that lasts?

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ask-tony/habits-that-make-you-great/

Ever wonder why it’s easy to make some things stick and seemingly impossible to achieve other goals? Maybe you always resolve to lose those 20 pounds that are bothering you. You start working out and eating better, only to go back to your usual habits in a few weeks. Or, perhaps you can never keep money under control and your debt continues to climb. Others might feel like they’re always a step behind, or are lacking in organization and not getting enough done because of it. What’s getting between you and building habits that nurture your best life?

Learning how to create a habit is possible when you look within yourself. The answer often lies in our goals. What are your goals? How driven are you to succeed? In order to achieve them, you’ll need a proactive approach. Those pounds aren’t going to disappear on their own, and you’re not going to get a call with an offer for your dream job by just sitting and waiting. Scientists have found that creating habits can take up to 12 weeks – that’s three months. Three months might sound like a long time, but think about it in the scheme of your life. Are you willing to commit at least three months of dedicated practice to achieve your goal? If not, it might be time for a new goal altogether.

Ready to create habits that will make your life infinitely better? Getting started building habits that last.

Learning how to create a habit can be intimidating. Where do you even get started building habits, especially when you’re trying to break a bad habit or two? The key to learning how to build a habit is understanding how habits work – and using that knowledge to your advantage.

What we call “habits” are really just reward-motivation responses in the brain. A habit follows a three-step process where you

• are cued to take action by something in your environment,

• take action in response to the cue and

• reap rewards from the action you took.

You might relate to a common example, where a dieter sees a cookie (the cue), gives into the temptation to eat it (the action) then feels regretful (the “reward”). Destructive habits, like drug use, bring quick, intense neurological rewards by surging brain chemicals that feel euphoric. Healthier habits like exercise also stimulate euphoric neurological responses, but far more subtly.

What is the solution so you can stop giving in to destructive behaviors and start building habits that work? Reward yourself for taking action toward healthier habits. Leverage the behavioral loop at each stage by

• setting up cues in your environment that trigger the healthy habit

• breaking down barriers to the desired action

• rewarding yourself for taking the positive action.

To get past your cookie cravings, you might strategize by (1) wearing a FitBit as a reminder, (2) keeping healthy snacks on hand and (3) indulging in a healthy reward like exercise or meditation.

As you consciously apply this habit loop, you become masterful at creating habits that nurture you.

Tools for creating habits aligned with your values

To master the art and science of building habits that take you to the top, you need what Tony calls the 3 Pillars of Progress. Think of them as the foundation, or support, that holds up your goals. Using these three pillars will allow you to focus and commit to what you really want. With these pillars you’ll be able to track your progress, hold yourself accountable and experience real, lasting improvement in your personal and professional life. Goodbye repeated failures, hello success and better habits.

Pillar 1: Get focused

This is the necessary first step where you gain clarity. The way to do this is to get laser-focused on what you want. Why? Because lasers are powerful – they can cut through almost anything. But remember, all they are is beams of light – just supremely focused light.

Do you feel uncertain about the best way to get focused? Try this as your first step toward creating habits that work: Think about something you’re really good at now. How did you become so successful? Chances are, there was a time that you were totally focused on that thing with a clear and compelling reason. You weren’t born knowing how to play piano or sail – you learned those skills by practicing them.

The way to achieve any goal starts with this step. The more clarity you have, the easier it will be to move toward. Know exactly what you’re going for and you’ll get there even faster. So get clear about what you really want. Why do you want it? Make the reason so compelling that you are so excited to move forward, because what you focus on is what you move toward. You can even create a Massive Action Plan to help you reach success. If you focus on what you don’t have, you’ll end up moving toward it – and that’s a step further away from what you really want.

Let’s take the example of creating habits to reach your goal of losing weight. Instead of saying “I want to lose weight,” get specific. How much? Why? What will you be able to do when you get to the weight you want? With a weak description, you might say something like, “I need to lose some weight. Why am I not losing weight?” If you keep focus on the fact that you’re not losing weight, you won’t. Sure, you’ll likely lose some weight just by chance, perhaps a pound or two back and forth.

Instead, what if you said something like “I am sick and tired of wearing my baggiest jeans. I’m tired of making excuses to myself. I want to wake up in the morning and feel like I’m 25 years old again. I want to feel strong. I want to feel fit. I want to feel pure energy and vitality. By losing 7 pounds, I know I will feel that way, because I’ve felt it before.” Here we’ve got a vision that’s clear, specific and compelling. It’s exciting. With that kind of clarity, you’ll learn how to create a habit and make what you want happen.

Pillar 2: Go and get the best tools for the job

You’ve defined your target. Now you need the most effective and efficient game plan to reach it. It’s time to focus on building habits, the habits you actually want. You need the best here – the best strategy, the best coach, the best tools, the best map. Think about your example of something you’re a master of already – chances are you had a teacher, a coach or a mentor who helped you along the way.

Our advice for streamlining this step? To master the art of creating habits that work, find a role model. Look for someone who has mastered the area that you are striving to change. That’s someone who’s done it, not someone who talks a big game. They have the insights that others don’t. Then get a plan from them; it can save you years, even decades! Think about it: they know how to get from where you are to where you want to go. You’ve only got to bring the desire. This could be someone you know in real life or a notable figure with well-documented success.

You can find plans in a variety of places: Maybe you work best through books or audio, seminars or someone you know. For our weight loss example, hire a personal trainer or nutrition expert that’s proven to get their clients where they want to be. And if you try an approach and it’s not working, then change it. Get a new coach, try a different plan. Change your approach until you find something that works to get you toward your goal. As Tony Robbins says, “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” Gain progress and you know that you’re building habits that support your health and happiness.

Pillar 3: Get into action and unleash alignment

Now comes the time to get yourself into action. You’re focused and have clarity, you’ve got your plan and your mentor. So what’s holding you back from creating habits aligned with your goals? For many of us, even when we have the right tools, there’s something inside holding us back. So you need to find what’s blocking you so that you can get into action.

These blocks often show themselves as internal conflicts, the bane of better habits. There are people who want to lose weight, yet are still eating far too much sugar, which then prevents them from doing so. Or others who want to be worth a billion dollars before they’re 40, but they sleep until noon every day. These conflicts create stories that we tell ourselves, stories that keep us repeating the patterns of our past. These limiting beliefs then begin to dominate our lives and prevent us from creating positive habits. But if you recognize the pattern and what’s behind it, you’ll be closer to understanding what you need to do to make lasting change in all areas of your life.

If you aren’t working out, you may be telling yourself that you just don’t have time to hit the gym, that you’re exhausted. You work long days and just want to relax and spend some time with your family when you get home. Instead of excuses, you need a better strategy to get rid of the conflict.

You’re not lacking resources – you’re lacking resourcefulness. Maybe your new strategy is that four days a week, you grab that stroller and go for a run or walk with your kids. Instead of giving up your family time or your workout, now your bonding experience with your kids is all about movement and exercise.

What kind of imprint would that have on them?

Don’t buy into the lie that you don’t have time for something. You just need to re-strategize to understand how to build a habit. Again, in the areas you’ve mastered, you don’t experience inner conflict. That’s one of the signs of true mastery. So, what if you find yourself experiencing that inner conflict in connection to your goal? First, identify it. Then, squash it. Get aligned and you’ll find that there’s nothing more holding you back.

Conclusion

Quiz

How to apply this in my life?

Food for thought

1. Can you identify the habits you want to break? What is that one habit that’s holding you back from doing important things in your day?

Expand your understanding

1. Further readings:

2. https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ask-tony/habits-that-make-you-great/

3. https://projecthotmess.com/mindful-habits/