8.7 Fear and failure - Jordi Kidsune

Hunger destroys fear. Love destroys fear.

1. When faced adversity

When you confront failure: what is the opportunity here? How can I use this to serve me? What is good about this? Constructive post-mortem. What went right, what went wrong? Be candid with the team and change it in gold.
Two types of mindsets.

Really successful = mastery or growth mindset (adversary  first question asked their selves, what can I learn  understand and recoup so I can become better).
Second mindset: victim mindset - they believe that they had no influence, a fixed mindset)

Failure means innovation in progress. If you don’t make problems, you are not growing enough. Failure means you are innovating and growing. Failure is the price of ambition. Clarity – confusion – let it sink in– clarity – confusion – clarity.
Develop a neurology pathway of bravery. And of flow. And of excellent mind-set. And of discipline and will power). Every time you go through adversery, rather getting angry you make a new choice. Every time you set a new goal and walk it, you set a new neurologic path way. Feel the disappointment, don’t be a deer in head lights, act on it. Become brave by doing brave things each day.
When you are in failure, you are not seeing clearly. Fitzgerald: never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. What is my default emotional response if you fail? Shame for public, fear of consequences, anger for myself for not going deep enough in preparation. When you are in failure, what would be a world-class response? Accept it, sit it for a while, mull it over, analyse it (solitude, journaling, etc.), appreciate it and learn from it, prepare for next steps so this failure does not repeat itself.
In a difficult time, your are seeing through fear eyes. Acknowledge this in time. Get big goals done.
When you’re in failure, don’t lose yourself and start beating yourself up. Celebrate yourself, lift yourself up when you are down. Get connected in yourself, your humanity.
‘This too shall pass’ Leverage it.
APR! ABSOLUTE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
Turn lead in gold: During failure? Has anyone died here (perspective)? Second: what is the opportunity? Third: what is good about this? 4: how can we make this fun?
When you go through adversity, eat like a nutritionist. Don’t seek fake comfort. Don’t go for alcohol, ice cream, chips, cookies, chocolate, or sweets.
Gratitude is the antidote for fear. You are a blessed human being today. Somebody loved their loved ones today. You ARE blessed.
Don’t discount the emotions. Listen, feel, process. Let it out, do not hold it all in. All these negativities will influence your mind and health over time.
Warning: you become a target when successful

Aim for victory Over Difficulty

2. Fear versus intuition

Recognizing the difference between fear and intuition can be challenging, as they can both feel similar in the moment. However, there are a few key differences that can help you tell them apart.

Fear is often accompanied by physical sensations, such as an increased heart rate, sweating, and shaking. Intuition, on the other hand, is often a more subtle feeling that may not be accompanied by physical sensations.
Fear is often based on past experiences or worries about the future, while intuition is based on present information and a sense of knowing.
Fear is often a reaction to a specific situation, while intuition is a more general feeling that can be applied to many different situations.
Fear can be limiting and can make us avoid taking action, while intuition is often a sign that we should trust ourselves and take action.

Here are some examples that can help to illustrate the difference:

You are offered a new job opportunity, but you are afraid of the change and the unknown. Your intuition tells you that this is a great opportunity for growth and development, but your fear is holding you back.
You are going on a first date, but you're scared of rejection. Your intuition tells you that this person is a good match for you, but your fear is making you doubt yourself.
You are considering investing in a new business venture, but you're worried about losing money. Your intuition tells you that this is a good investment, but your fear is causing you to hesitate.
You are thinking about ending a toxic relationship, but you're scared of being alone. Your intuition tells you that this relationship is not healthy for you and that you deserve better, but your fear is making you stay.

By paying attention to your feelings and physical sensations and identifying the source of them, you can better distinguish fear from intuition. It's also important to remember that fear is a natural feeling, and it's ok to feel it but it's important to not let it control you. Listening to your intuition and taking action towards it can help you overcome your fears and make the best decisions for yourself.

*There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.
– *Friedrich Nietzsche

When you’re faced with an opportunity to grow, it’s normal to feel hesitant and unsure. But how do you tell the difference between helpful, directive fear that needs to be metabolized and moved through, and your intuition trying to tell you not to do something that you’ll later regret?

This is an important distinction. I run my business and life by trusting my intuition. It’s never steered me wrong. When those gut-based alarm bells go off, it’s for good reason. Whenever I feel torn about a situation and can’t immediately tell whether I’m experiencing normal, healthy, directive fear (a sign to say yes and GROW!) or an intuitive hit to run the other way, I always find my answer through a subtle, visceral body check. This only takes seconds and it produces a clear answer. Every. Single. Time.

Here’s how it works. Get in a comfortable seated or standing position. Close your eyes. Take a few deep, full breaths (at least three) and allow your mind to settle. Be present in your body. Then ask yourself the following question and pay careful attention to your instant, involuntary interior body reaction: Does saying yes to this make me feel expansive or contracted?

In other words, when you imagine moving ahead with this opportunity, what happens in your body the nanosecond after you ask that question? Do you feel an openness, a sense of moving forward, a lightness in your chest? Joy, excitement, or fun?

Or do you feel an immediate sense of heaviness and dread? Does your heart sink? Do you detect a tightening in your chest or a sick feeling in your tummy? Does something subtle inside of you retreat, pull back, close down, shut off, or somehow energetically say no – even though declining may not make logical sense?

I’m not talking about your thoughts. I’m not interested in what your mind thinks you “should” do. I’m asking you to pay attention to the truth and wisdom in your body. In your heart. When you pay close attention and listen to your nonverbal, almost preverbal cues – you’ll notice a predominance of energy moving in one direction or the other. Obviously, if you feel anything close to expansive, joyful, or excited, that’s intuition signaling to move ahead and say yes. Contraction, or any sense of dread, means it’s a no-go.

Your body has innate wisdom that extends far beyond reason and logic. You can’t think your way into accessing your body’s intelligence, you have to feel your way in. Your heart, gut, intuition – whatever you want to call it – is far more intelligent than your mind. In a sedentary, screen focused culture that normalizes living from the neck up, feeling and “hearing” what your body communicates takes practice. But like any other skill, it can be developed.

To gain better control over distinguishing between your fear and intuition, the following questions can help. Remember, the wisdom how to deal with the fear of anything is in your body. Direct your attention inward as you answer these questions:

Do I really want to do this?
Do I feel expansive or contracted when I imagine saying yes to this?
Does saying yes make me feel delight or dread?
Does this feel joyful and fun?
If I had $20 million sitting in the bank, would I still do this?
When I’m around this person (or organization or environment), do I feel more confident and capable, or do I compare myself and feel “less than”?
After I’m around this person, do I feel more energized or less energized?
Do I trust them?
Do I feel safe, understood, and respected?

Notice the first thing you feel or blurt out, even if it surprises you.

3. What are you afraid of?

Fear is a natural emotion that helps us to protect ourselves from harm. However, it can also hold us back from what we truly want in life. So, how does our brain create fear and how can we overcome it?

Scientists have found that the amygdala, a bundle of neurons located deep in the brain, plays a crucial role in the process of feeling fear. When we sense something potentially dangerous, the amygdala sends signals to other parts of the brain, effectively saying, "Hey everyone, pay attention!" However, some people, like those with the extremely rare Urbach-Wiethe disease, have an amygdala that is completely calcified, making it impossible for them to process fear.

But is fear actually necessary for human survival? Studies have shown that people can survive without fear and that other paths, like logic, can take us to the correct behaviors that help us to survive. So, what triggers fear in the first place? It could be simply not understanding how something works. But knowledge alone is not enough to stop fear. A 2009 study found that just smelling fear sweat can cause the fear centers of the brain to kick in.

So, how can we overcome fear? One way is to understand that it is a natural emotion and that it is okay to feel it. But we don't have to let it control us. By facing our fears and taking action, we can learn to trust ourselves and our ability to handle difficult situations. Additionally, surrounding ourselves with people who are not afraid to take risks and try new things can also help us to overcome our own fears.

In conclusion, fear is a natural emotion that can protect us from harm but also hold us back from what we truly want in life. By understanding how our brain creates fear and the impact of collective fear on culture, we can learn to overcome it and live a more fulfilling life.

Four signs you have a fear of failure

You worry about what others think
You set low expectations for yourself
You procrastinate
You can’t move on from failures

https://youtu.be/A8tqZmXaB6I

The fear of failure doesn’t have to limit you. Learn how to overcome it and take charge of your career and success at Business Mastery.

Determine the source of your anxiety

If you’re living in fear, your anxieties have escalated to the point that they’re running the show. You’re thinking about your worries constantly without much mindfulness as to what’s behind them. To stop living in fear, you must pinpoint what’s causing your distress.

Get out a piece of paper and brainstorm a list. When you’re finished, circle the items that are tangible concerns – fears that your house will burn down, your kids will go missing or you’ll lose your job tomorrow. Start giving yourself a sense of control by writing a few actions you can take to prevent these things from happening. Also recognize the intangible concerns – fears of the apocalypse, alien invasion from Mars or worldwide economic collapse. You’ll see that these have very little chance of happening – but you’ll also see that these fears often have deeper roots. If your fears fall into this category, you’ll need to do some self-reflection to discover how to stop living in fear.

2. Recognize that life happens for you

“Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you,” as Tony Robbins says. Truly understanding and accepting this concept is the first step to fulfillment. When you put an end to the blame game and start becoming the master of your own destiny, endless possibilities open up to you. And when you see the world as a place of opportunity, not obstacles, you don’t let fear control you.

The reason for determining the source of your anxiety isn’t to give you an excuse to keep living in fear. It’s to help you assert power over those fears so that they no longer control you. Once you identify the source, you can change your story – and change your mindset. The first step is recognizing that you have a choice. You can blame outside forces for your emotions and continue to feel out of control. Or you can take charge of your life and learn how to stop living in fear.

3. Stop the excuses

Like blame, excuses are a defense mechanism we use to avoid facing our problems. It’s easy to push our hopes, desires and dreams aside when we have excuses: There’s just not enough time, I don’t have the money or the resources, I have a family, I’m too busy. And we start to hide behind those excuses instead of taking action to move forward.

Excuses are comforting when we’re living in fear. They’re safe. But excuses will also bring you back to exactly where you started. Remember that the next time an excuse floats into your mind. Are you truly where you want to be in life? Or are you falling back on fear and choosing to be comfortable instead of facing a challenge? By becoming more cognizant of your brain’s proclivity for using excuses so you won’t be held accountable, the better you will become at dismissing them.

4. Turn your “shoulds” into “musts”

In your mind, if you have no choice but to succeed – if achieving your goal is an absolute must – then nothing else matters. Sacrifices won’t even be a question. Excuses go out the window. You’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen. Period.

Even the most successful people feel like they’re living in fear sometimes. The difference is that rather than allowing fear to creep in and suck the life right out of their dreams, they know that the price they will pay if they don’t give their goals and visions every ounce of energy and focus they have is far scarier. They know the real fear is living a life where they have settled or compromised what they really wanted. How do you adopt that mindset and perspective?

Imagine yourself at 80 years old, nearing the end of your life. You are sitting in your rocking chair, reflecting on how you lived your life. Now, look back on your life as if you had not achieved the goal you are after at this moment. How has this affected the course of your life? What are your regrets? What do you wish you had made more time for? What do you wish you had attempted? Is there sadness and regret? Are you wondering, “What if. . .?” In this way, you can use fear to propel you toward your ultimate goal.

5. Adopt a growth mindset

People often give up on what they want because they believe that reaching their goal is beyond their abilities. They continue living in fear and settle into their lives, thinking that their goal is unattainable so they don’t even bother. But the most successful people foster a growth mindset. They don’t think of their abilities as fixed, but rather as flexible. And when faced with a setback, they work harder. They adopt a new strategy. They keep seeking a solution. They don’t give up when things become challenging. Instead, they find new ways to adapt and work harder to achieve their goals.

6. Learn that pain brings valuable insight

There isn’t one successful person in the world who hasn’t had to overcome major obstacles. The most painful experiences can help refine what you want and what you don’t want in life. Failure, disappointment, dead-ends – these can all be used as a means of reflecting and saying, “This didn’t work. It wasn’t the right fit. So what do I really want?”

Remember, we are built to adapt. So embrace your inner strength and use each experience as a tool to help you learn more about yourself and what you really must have in life. When you’re facing a painful experience or feel ready to give into fear, picture someone you admire who faced adversity – they wouldn’t have achieved the success they now have without learning how to stop living in fear.

7. Practice self-care

Mastering your emotions and changing your mindset is psychological – but would you be surprised to learn that the psychological is also physical? Next time you feel like you’re living in fear, change your posture and adopt a “power pose.” It can make you feel more confident and less fearful.

Other self-care habits have an effect on your state as well. Physical activity is proven to reduce depression and anxiety, so next time you feel fear coming on, get out and go for a walk, practice yoga or take a bike ride. Mindfulness meditation is also proven to combat anxiety and depression and even lower blood pressure. Eliminating caffeine and alcohol from your diet is another self-care tip that’s essential to lowering anxious feelings. When you combine physical and psychological self-care, you have the recipe for how to stop living in fear.

8. Adopt an abundance mindset

Fear cannot coexist with positive emotions. You cannot feel both scared and joyful, or afraid and peaceful. You can’t feel fear and gratitude at the same time, either – but you can replace one with the other. When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears. You shift your focus from the negative to the positive. Where focus goes, energy flows, so when you change your mindset in this way, you find that you naturally bring more positivity – and less fear – into your life.

Adopting an abundance mindset is key to unlocking how to stop living in fear. You can do this by keeping a gratitude journal, practicing priming or meditation, using visualization, coming up with empowering incantations and more. Next time you’re anxious or afraid, you’ll have a powerful toolbox that you can access to overcome those emotions.

9. Be fully present

When we’re living in fear, we’re often also living in either the past or the future. We let our past mistakes haunt us and affect our future decisions. We live in so much fear of what could happen that we forget to enjoy what is happening. As Tony tells us, “The past does not equal the future unless you live there.”

In today’s super-connected world, it’s easier than ever to live in the past – reconnecting with toxic people and reminiscing about old relationships. When surfing the Internet, it’s easy to get caught in fantasizing about your next relationship or vacation plans that will never manifest.

Stop missing your life. Put your phone down. Step away from the computer. Take up a new sport or game. Meet people in the here and now. Start living instead of worrying.

10. Know that failure is inevitable

After all this work, you still need to accept one truth: You will fail. It’s just part of the process. Any successful person will tell you that. Failure provides insights and inherently corrects the faulty ways of approaching a problem. There is no teacher as impactful as the sting of failure and no lesson in resilience better than the burn of rejection. If you use these experiences as unique information, and adjust your strategy and approach the next time around, you will have an advantage that no one else does. With the right mindset you can change your story and say goodbye to living in fear.

If you’re ready to learn how to stop living in fear, you have to decide that your dreams are more important than your fear of failure. Make the decision today to master your fears and start existing as the most joyful, successful version of yourself possible.

4. Why do I have anxiety? What makes people anxious?

Read article

Or perhaps better:

Play the game!

5. Fueling success with frustration

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/podcasts/built-serve-succeed/

6. Finishing quotes

Let fear be a counselor and not a jailer
You have to keep breaking your heart before it opens
The bigger the life your living, the bigger the problems.
The only people without problems, are dead people.
Your problems are blessings, learn from them and grow. See the beauty in it.
Life is like a camera. Just focus on what is important and capture the good times, develop from the negatives and if things don't turn out, just take another shot.
Life is happening for us, not to us.
Problems are what make us grow, what makes us become more. Become a turn-around artist: WTHO (What is the opportunity). Use the difficulty. Use our trials for triumphs.
The root of the word ‘Weird’ came from ‘having power to controle fate’. Aim for weird.
See it as a game, where the universe throws you challenges. Trust nature more than ever before. Darwin: push & adapt. Push will wear you out, so make sure you are pulled as well. Find the thing you are made for, you are here to serve.
A bad day for the ego is an excellent day for the soul.
Only when it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
Pain is the doorway to the deep.
Tragedy is nature’s purifier, it burns away the fakeness, fear, and arrogance of the ego. It returns us to the brilliant and genius if you have the courage to go into that which wounds you.
The foundation of maturity: Just because it’s not your fault doesn’t mean it’s not your responsibility.
Be not about excuses, be about execution.
When someone tells you something is wrong, they’re usually right. When someone tells you how to fix it, they’re usually wrong.
Bad things can happen fast, but almost all good things happen slowly.
When you are stuck, sleep on it. Let your subconscious work for you.
No rain, no rainbow.
Fear triggers an old wound, to heal the wound feel the wound.
One who sweats more in training bleeds less in war.
Obstacles are nothing more than tests designed to measure how seriously you want the rewards that your ambition seeks.
Pros are just amateurs who know how to gracefully recover from their mistakes.
To make mistakes is human. To own your mistakes is divine. Nothing elevates a person higher than quickly admitting and taking personal responsibility for the mistakes you make and then fixing them fairly. If you mess up, fess up. It’s astounding how powerful this ownership is.
If you are not falling occasionally, you are just coasting.
When crisis and disaster strike, don’t waste them. No problems, no progress.
I’m positive that in 100 years much of what I take to be true today will be proved to be wrong, maybe even embarrassingly wrong, and I try really hard to identify what it is that I am wrong about today.
Over the long term, the future is decided by optimists. To be an optimist you don’t have to ignore all the many problems we create; you just have to imagine improving your capacity to solve problems.
The universe is conspiring behind your back to make you a success. This will be much easier to do if you embrace this pronoia.
There are no failures, a failure is only a failure if you see it as a failure. You can learn from it and move towards greater success. Never waste the opportunity offered by a good crisis (Machiavelli – the prince). Adversity as an opportunity.
Leave the harbor of the safe known, but that makes you confused. Huge turbulence and disruption. If you are not confused, you are not growing.
If you are not confused enough, you are not going for world-class.
Everything you do “wrong” you have a data point for what you can improve it gives deep insight and wisdom in your road to greatness.
Albert Camus: “In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”  Remember how you truly are. Who were you, before the world shuts you of (built-up micro and macro trauma).
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Your most painful moments teach you and give you depth.
Don’t celebrate superficialness, go for depth.
Life’s most urgent question: what will you do to help someone today?
It is the curious people who win.

Conclusion

Quiz

How can you apply this in life today

About what am I wrong today?
Write 5 gifts that failure bring to you? (Clarity about what not to do, Wisdom, An internal mirror; gets me deeper to me believe cores, questions my believes and urges me to make them stronger and more clear (feeds drive, Makes me humble, They make me strategic, calculative  planning mastery)
What is my default emotional response if you fail? Shame for public, fear of consequences, anger for myself for not going deep enough in preparation. When you are in failure, what would be a world-class response? Accept it, sit it for a while, mull it over, analyse it (solitude, journaling, etc.), appreciate it and learn from it, prepare for next steps so this failure does not repeat itself.
How do you measure world-class? What are five characteristics? Five world-class companies? Three world-class people? World-class in different areas.

Food for thought

Expand your understanding

Churchill book – splendid in the vial https://www.amazon.com/Splendid-Vile-Churchill-Family-Defiance/dp/0385348711.
Read Darwin’s book.