Simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being. Patient with both friends and enemies, you accord with the way things are. Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world. - Lao Tzu

1. Cultivating positive emotions 10 emotional "seeds" to plant in your garden now

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/cultivating-positive-emotions/

Think of your mind, your emotions and your spirit as the ultimate garden. The way to ensure a bountiful, nourishing harvest is to plant seeds like love, warmth and appreciation — instead of seeds of disappointment, anger and fear.

Here are 10 emotional seeds to plant in your garden now. Use them to bring fulfillment and abundance to your life, and as an antidote to negative emotions. Let's delve into the emotions that have the power to change our lives.

First, let's talk about gratitude. Gratitude is often referred to as the single greatest power to change one's life. Spiritual leaders and philosophers from all over the world attribute gratitude as a key component to living a happier life. Deepak Chopra even goes as far as to say that gratitude is an "immensely powerful force that we can use to expand our happiness, create loving relationships, and even improve our health." Furthermore, Tony Robbins states that "when you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears."

Next, we have hunger. In a recent LinkedIn article, Tony Robbins addressed the emotion most essential to success: "If someone asks me, “Tony what is the single most valuable secret to success in life? How do I live life on my terms and have choices, and become the best in my field?” I’d tell them that every great leader I’ve ever had the privilege to work with – whether they are a politician an athlete, a musician or a business savant – got there using one force above all other. And that’s hunger." Hunger, in this context, refers to the determination and drive to make change happen and create lasting value in the world.

Passion is another powerful emotion. Passion is a force that awakens us, it blows the lid off of our imagination, our capability and our drive. It shakes our mind free from limiting beliefs and breaks our old patterns of thinking. Passion is what gives us a sense of purpose. Excitement and passion can add "juice" to just about anything. To paraphrase Benjamin Disraeli, “man is only truly great when he acts from passion.”

Love and warmth are also essential emotions. The consistent expression of love can melt almost any negative emotion it comes in contact with. Recognizing the positive intent within ourselves and others allows us to be gracious rather than offended.

Curiosity is another important emotion. If we really want to grow in life, we must learn to be as curious as a child. Children know how to wonder – to marvel at things most obvious or routine to the average adult. That’s why they’re rarely bored! When we’re curious, nothing is a chore.

Flexibility is key to success. The ability to change what’s going on – to adapt rapidly and without getting upset – is the guarantee of success. Our level of happiness is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty we are willing to live with. As Amazon founder Jeff Bezos once said, “We are stubborn on vision. We are flexible on details.”

Confidence is another essential emotion. When we’re confident, we are willing to experience the power of faith – the trust that things will work out. Unshakable confidence provides the sense of certainty we all want.

Cheerfulness is an important emotion too. Being cheerful means we live life in a state of pleasure – one that’s so intense that we transmit a sense of joy to those around us.

Vitality or energy is our life force. Our mental or emotional state starts with our energy level. Remember when we were a kid and we would run into a room or splash through a puddle, and we felt full of life? Well, the ultimate source of energy is our psychology. We can choose to be in an “energy rich” state of mind.

Finally, the sense of contribution is an emotion that leads to true fulfillment. Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life's deepest joy. If every day we can feel that what we do adds something not only to our own life, but to others as well, then life takes on a new, deeper sense of meaning. There’s no richer emotion than the sense that who we are as a person, something we’ve said or done, has added to the life of someone we care about or perhaps someone we don’t even know.

In conclusion, emotions play a crucial role in shaping our lives. By cultivating gratitude, hunger, passion, love, warmth, curiosity, flexibility, confidence, cheerfulness, vitality and a sense of contribution, we can tap into the power to change our lives for the better.

2. How to master your emotions

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/measure-your-mood-change-your-life/

The good news is that we can take immediate control of our emotions by measuring them often. By using the Mood Meter, we can raise our awareness of the emotions we're indulging in and empower ourselves to choose new, better emotions that truly serve our lives and goals.

Measuring our emotions is simple, all we have to do is commit to measuring our moods several times throughout the day. We can look at the description of the different emotional states on the left side of the mood meter and choose the word that best describes our current state. We can record the date and time and mark the box that corresponds to how we're feeling.

One bonus exercise is to write down a list of things that make us feel great, things that don't cost anything. Next time we find our mood lower than we'd like, we can do one of the things on our list.

We've all had situations where our emotions got the best of us, whether we're sitting in traffic, dealing with a difficult coworker or arguing with a loved one. Often it's because we didn't realize what was happening until we were too far down the "emotional train" to change it. We say things we don't mean and that we'll later regret, because we haven't cultivated emotional mastery.

Emotions are complex states involving both physical and psychological changes that influence our mood and behavior. An emotion is sparked by a particular event or object, which causes a physiological response in the body. Love, hate, anger, joy, sadness, these are all emotions that make us human. We don't want to get rid of emotions, without them, life is meaningless. But learning how to master our emotions and use them, instead of letting them use us, is key to achieving our dreams in every aspect of our lives.

Emotional mastery is the ability to identify and handle our emotions before they affect our behavior. Psychology's definition of emotional mastery has evolved over the years, with the Schachter-Singer experiment in the 1960s showing that emotions are influenced by outer as well as inner stimuli. With emotional mastery, we can catch our emotions before they take control of us.

Measure your mood:

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/measure-your-mood-change-your-life/

Emotional mastery is the ability to understand and control our emotions. It plays a crucial role in our subjective experience of the world, the way we interpret the things that happen to us, as opposed to objective experience, which is the facts of what actually happened. Emotional mastery has a significant impact on our interpersonal relationships, self-worth, communication skills, and overall fulfillment in life.

Emotions are universal, we all experience them, although there are cultural differences in what's considered an appropriate display of emotion. Positive emotions can be cultivated by focusing on them, and by incorporating small doses of gratitude, passion, love, hunger, curiosity, confidence, flexibility, cheerfulness, vitality, and a sense of contribution. Emotional mastery supports healthy relationships and can be achieved by following six straightforward steps:

1. Identify what you're feeling: The first step in learning how to master your emotions is identifying what your feelings are. To take that step toward emotional mastery, ask yourself: "What am I really feeling right now? Am I really feeling...? Is it something else?"

2. Acknowledge and appreciate your emotions: Emotional mastery does not mean shutting down or denying your feelings. Instead, learning how to master your emotions means appreciating them as part of yourself. You never want to make your emotions wrong. The idea that anything you feel is "wrong" is a great way to destroy honest communication with yourself as well as with others.

3. Get curious about the message this emotion suggests to you: Emotional mastery means approaching your feelings with a sense of curiosity. Your feelings will teach you a lot about yourself if you let them. Getting curious helps you interrupt your current emotional pattern, solve the challenge, and prevent the same problem from occurring in the future.

4. Get confident: The quickest and most powerful route to emotional mastery over any feeling is to remember a time when you felt a similar emotion and handled it successfully. Since you managed the emotion in the past, surely you can handle it today.

5. Get certain you can handle this not only today, but in the future as well: To master your emotions, build confidence by rehearsing handling situations where this emotion might come up in the future. See, hear, and feel yourself handling the situation. This is the equivalent of lifting emotional weights, so you'll build the "muscle" you need to handle your feelings successfully.

6. Get excited and take action: Emotional mastery means taking action, not just thinking about your feelings. You can't simply think your way to emotional mastery. You have to take action. Emotions will guide you, but you must act on them. In order to master your emotions, you must act on them.

How do I change my state of mind?

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/how-to-reset-your-mind-and-mood/

Human emotions are one of the great gifts of life. Nothing in the history of humanity has had such an impact on world events. Emotions have started wars and ended them. Emotions cause people to do crazy things and they bring ultimate fulfillment. In all their power, it’s easy to think that human emotions are beyond our control – but they aren’t.

If you’re wondering “Can I change my state of mind?,” the answer is yes. You get to choose how you interact with the world and the meaning you assign to your experiences. You can choose your state of mind. You can choose to shift to an empowered state. You can learn how to change your mood. What is my state of mind?

“State of mind” is defined as the quality of one’s consciousness as it relates to the outside world, as well as the perception of inner thoughts and emotions. It includes your mood and your mental state at a certain point in time. Depressed, anxious, rational, critical and engaged are all examples of states of mind. You can even be in more than one state of mind at a time.

Before you can answer the question, “How do I change my state of mind?,” you need to know how it’s different from mood. Your mood is fleeting. If someone cuts you off in traffic, you may feel angry. Or if you read a sad news story, you may feel depressed. Even if you then go through the entire day feeling that way, it’s still just a bad mood. Your state of mind is on a higher level of consciousness – and you have control over both. When you’re in control of your state of mind, you’re the master of your emotions and you understand that life is happening for you, not to you. When you change your mood, you change your life.

“The difference between peak performance and poor performance is not intelligence or ability; most often it’s the state that your mind and body is in.” —Tony Robbins

What affects my state of mind?

Like anything related to human emotion, your mood and mindset are complex. Yet also like anything else in life, the number one thing that affects your state of mind is your focus. What do you choose to focus on? Your mind is trained to look for the bad – to fight or flight, as it’s been doing for two million years. But you can retrain it to look for the good.

Taking care of your body is also essential to your mood, especially these five factors.

1/ Diet

You wouldn’t put the wrong fuel into your car, and the same goes for your body. What you feed your body also feeds your mind, so be sure you’re eating healthy and drinking plenty of water.

2/ Exercise

Even mild exercise like walking is proven to help with depression and anxiety, releasing endorphins that make us feel happy.

3/ Sleep

Getting enough sleep allows the body and mind to recover and repair itself. It’s critical to memory and brain function, hormone regulation and more.

4/ Sunlight

Like exercise, getting enough sunlight has been shown to decrease depression by helping to release serotonin, the “happiness chemical” that increases feelings of well-being.

5/ Stress

There are also negative chemicals, and our brain produces a lot of them when we are stressed. Even if we don’t feel it outright, stress causes lack of focus, depression and anxiety and can impact everyone around you. How do I change my state of mind?

When was the last time you were in a bad mood? How did being in that state affect other parts of your life? We often feel like our emotions are beyond our control, but that’s entirely untrue. In reality, you can learn how to change your mood – and do so in an instant.

1/ Examine your limiting beliefs

Instead of asking “How can I change my state of mind?,” many people think they have to live with whatever mood they’re in. They buy into the limiting belief that they are prone to unhappiness or anxiety or that they can only be in a good mood when the outside world is moving as they want it to. The key to unlocking an extraordinary life has nothing to do with outside people or events. You must examine your limiting beliefs – are they positive or destructive? Identify any destructive beliefs about your ability to control your emotions and replace them with empowering ones.

2/ Change your inner monologue

Your limiting beliefs affect your inner monologue and those thoughts create your world. Yet many people never stop to question their inner critic and turn them into a friend instead of a foe. Next time you catch yourself in negative self-talk, imagine that you are your own best friend – would you talk to your friends the way your inner critic talks to you? Think of something positive instead. You’ll not only discover how to improve mood, you’ll change your entire outlook on life.

3/ Adjust your posture

Observe your posture when you are happy, as opposed to when you are sad – or what you look like when you are angry versus when you are elated. There’s a difference, right? We all get in negative psychological and emotional states, but you can transform your state of mind by changing your body and getting in state. Your body language sends signals to your brain about how you’re feeling and operating. If you have poor posture, it only lends itself to poor emotions or a negative state. Good posture and alertness produce a more positive state and are key to how to change your mood.

4/ Smile

Just like changing your posture, smiling sends positive signals to your brain. It can even trick your mind into thinking you’re feeling better than you actually are. Smile at yourself in the mirror or make eye contact with the people around you. Not in the mood? Watch a funny video, look at old pictures or put on your favorite song. There’s always something that will bring a smile to your face. Eventually, you’ll master how to improve mood and mindset.

5/ Move your body

How do you transform your state of mind, even when you’re dealing with immense stress? The secret is in moving your body. Emotion is created by motion. In other words, emotions are linked to movement in our bodies. While you’re listening to that favorite song that makes you smile, dance around. Go for a walk outside – green space is proven to be relaxing. Get your heart rate up with exercise, a natural mood enhancer. Moving your body releases all that stress and elevates your state of mind.

6/ Create empowering rituals

Some of the world’s most successful people have likely wondered, “How do I change my state of mind?” Many of those people have one thing in common: they’ve created an empowering routine that helps them stay in a positive state. Start your morning right with a positive, energy-providing breakfast. Practice priming or meditation to set the tone for your day. Exercise, have fun and practice gratitude. Life is meant to be lived – not agonized over.

7/ Adopt an abundance mindset

True freedom comes when you accept every moment for what it is instead of needing to control everything and make it adhere to your expectations. Expectations are dangerous for just that reason: if they’re not met, your state of mind deteriorates and you take it out on yourself or others. When you take responsibility for your lifestyle, feelings and actions, you have true freedom. When you understand that freedom is a state of mind and that the secret to achieving it is adopting an abundance mindset, you can change your mood, change your life.

How to take charge of your emotions 5 ways to rewrite your story and free yourself from the past

Everyone wants to enhance their quality of life. Everyone wants to be more fulfilled. But almost all of us get stuck at times in our limiting beliefs and emotional patterns. We make habits out of feeling frustrated, worried, sad or overwhelmed. This inability to take charge of your emotions prevents you from doing what you are really capable of – even if that something is just being happy.

While you cannot control the events that happen in your life, you can master how to stay in control of your emotions. People are always going to encounter stressful times. It’s how we react to them that determines whether we build the life we desire or allow obstacles to prevent us from reaching our dreams.

1/ Change your perspective

It’s easy to take charge of your emotions until something bad happens. It could be losing a job, losing your health or even losing a loved one. Something happens that is outside our control, and it knocks us down. Tony Robbins tells us: “Stress. Anger. Sadness. These feelings don’t come from the facts. They come from the meaning that we give the facts.”

Of course, the terrible things that happen are real. But the question is, how are you going to allow that to shape your life? Are you going to let it tear you down, or are you going to use it to empower and enlighten the way you go through life? Are you going to go through life feeling constantly stressed and angry, or are you going to learn how to not let emotions run your life?

It’s all about the meaning that you give your experiences. Tony also asks us this powerful question: “What if everything in your life, including the most painful and traumatic events, was happening for you, not to you?” When you come up with a new meaning, you can get a new perspective, and, ultimately, a new life.

2/ Rewrite your story

We unconsciously decide what events and experiences in our life mean; we do it all the time, but may not be aware of it. These beliefs create our world, affecting our intimate relationships, friendships, career aspirations and more. Yet these beliefs are often based on emotions rather than facts. When you take charge of your emotions, you can change the “facts” that make up your story.

Take a downturn in the economy, for example. One person could interpret that as, “I’m going to be broke.” Another person might say, “This means I’m going to work harder and I’m going to be more creative about saving.”

What do you think the outcome of this thought pattern will be for each of these individuals? Pretty different, right? Is it apparent why each will have very different approaches to life, and why each will experience very different emotions? That all comes from the meaning each person assigned to the event.

How to not let emotions run your life

Now, let’s move to something a little more personal. Consider a woman who had been adopted as a baby. One path she could take is to devalue herself, to believe that because she was adopted, that she wasn’t good enough to be loved. She could also take the opposite approach, and consider the fact that someone chose her and chose to love her. What’s the significance of her decisions over what story to choose? How will this impact her decisions in her daily life? How will it affect her bigger decisions?

The former story creates a sense of loss, while the latter celebrates her life and her worth. When you learn how to be in charge of your emotions and rewrite your story, it impacts your whole life – because the decisions that control us are the decisions about meaning, and meaning equals emotion.

1/ Trade expectations for appreciation

If choosing the disempowering story sounds familiar, you aren’t alone. We all tell ourselves stories that make us miserable when we could be feeling joy. We make ourselves feel sad, worried, anxious, shameful, guilty, fearful and enraged on a consistent basis. Why? Because we are wired that way. Your brain doesn’t naturally know how to not let emotions run your life – but you can teach it.

The human mind is always looking for what you could lose, what you could have less of or what you could never have. It might seem counterintuitive, but it’s a matter of survival and of protection. You are biologically wired to prepare yourself for the worst at all times. That is why it is up to you to take conscious control over the stories you tell yourself and the resulting emotions you experience.

To take charge of your emotions, trade your expectations for appreciation. If you do this, your whole life will change in that moment. And if you keep doing it, your life will change forever.

Let’s go back to the woman who was adopted. She expected her biological mother and father to keep her. And that expectation could have tainted her entire life. But if she shifted her expectations to appreciation that somebody picked her consciously and loved her, without the obligation or the biological imperative to do so, her entire life would change. This is the power of trading expectations for appreciation.

2/ Develop self-awareness

You cannot learn how to stay in control of your emotions if you don’t know what those emotions are. The ability to recognize, identify and evaluate your thoughts, emotions and actions is called self-awareness. Some people go through life with no self-awareness at all. Some people are painfully self-aware. And many of us aren’t as self-aware as we’d like to believe.

Think of the example of the adopted woman. She might go through life playing relationship roulette, wondering why no one seems to love her. With self-awareness, she would connect her experiences in relationships to her fear of rejection. She would realize that she must first love herself before she can create a healthy relationship. Her entire ability to change her perspective and rewrite her story depends on her ability to recognize her emotions and connect them with her past. That’s self-awareness.

If you’re not able to take charge of your emotions, use strategies like self-reflection, journaling, meditation and seeking out new perspectives to develop your awareness of your emotions. From there, you can work on building emotional intelligence, or the ability to gage others’ emotions as well as express your own in a constructive way.

3/ Take responsibility

Ultimately, you must decide to take charge of your emotions. Decide that you won’t be ruled by fear and anger any longer. Decide what you are going to focus on. What story are you going to let guide your life? You get to choose what meaning to assign. Commit to that meaning. This is the one power that you have right now in this moment that can change everything.

The only thing keeping you from getting what you want is yourself. The only thing keeping you from the joy you deserve is the disempowering story you keep telling yourself. What if you decided right now to offer yourself a new core of belief? What if everything in your life, including the most painful and traumatic events, was happening for you, not to you? What if everything was designed for you to actually have a greater life and have more to give and more to enjoy?

“Real freedom comes when you make the decision to stop allowing external events to shape your emotional experience.” You will only find this freedom by learning how to stay in control of your emotions and finding the empowering meaning in anything and everything that comes your way.

https://youtu.be/M58D461OewA

3. How to improve emotional intelligence

Further exploring

Let's face it, managing a group of diverse working styles can be a real headache. And when sales start to drop, friendships fall by the wayside, and relationships with family become strained, it can feel like you're stuck in a never-ending cycle of chaos. But what if I told you there was a way to break free from all this madness? Introducing emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the secret weapon that can help you navigate the choppy waters of life. It's the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, while also being able to empathize with others. It's a powerful tool that can help you build stronger relationships, resolve conflicts, and create a more positive work environment.

Unlike intellectual intelligence (IQ), which is all about cognitive skills, emotional intelligence (EQ) is all about relational skills. It's about understanding how to take information, process it, and respond with empathy and understanding. It's about being a good listener, being proactive instead of reactive, and being able to handle a crisis with grace and poise.

But why is emotional intelligence so important? Well, according to Forbes, a study of over 358 managers found that the highest-performing managers scored significantly higher on emotional intelligence than their lower-performing counterparts. These managers were able to demonstrate competencies like skilled leadership, self-confidence, and the ability to win and influence others.

But here's the catch, these managers only received high scores from their peers and supervisors, not from their subordinates. This tells us that while emotional intelligence may be apparent in the company of peers, it may not be as apparent to those who are not as close to us. And that's why emotional intelligence is so crucial. It's not just about being smart, it's a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and practice to build emotional intelligence, but the payoff is worth it. Here are steps to take charge of your emotions and improve your emotional intelligence:

1/ Identify what you’re really feeling

The first key to how to be emotionally intelligent is to recognize your own emotions. Dig deep and ask yourself what you’re really feeling. Practicing mindfulness is a proven way to gain perspective on your feelings so you’re able to manage negative emotions and harness positive ones. As you develop an awareness of your feelings, you’re able to pay closer attention to how you’re talking to yourself and others.

When you’re mindful of the words you use, you develop empathy for others, which strengthens your relationships and helps you build new ones. As your emotional sharpness increases, you become more resilient to challenges. Rather than feeling overcome by adversity, you’re able to learn from it and bounce back.

2/ Acknowledge and appreciate your emotions

Improving emotional intelligence doesn’t mean denying your feelings. Your emotions are never wrong. They are there to support you, so be honest about how you feel. When you learn to validate your own feelings, you’re better able to validate others’ emotions, which is a key component of practicing empathy.

Approaching your feelings with an attitude of curiosity lets you interrupt your current emotional trajectory to solve whatever’s bothering you. When you’re open to your feelings, you’re better able to understand your own (and others’) thinking and reasoning.

3/ Develop a deep belief in yourself

When you truly believe that no matter what happens, you can overcome it, you’ll discover an unstoppable confidence – which is key to learning how to improve emotional intelligence. To develop confidence in any situation, think of another time you’ve successfully handled a similar feeling. If you’ve done it once, you can do it again. By thinking of previous successes, you’re able to navigate uncertain terrain with certainty.

To prepare for facing your feelings in the future, rehearse how you’d like to handle difficult emotions. Use your previous successes as a resource for improving emotional intelligence. By being prepared, you cement your feelings of self-efficacy for handling future challenges.

4/ Embrace self-awareness

Learning how to improve emotional intelligence is about getting to know yourself. Embracing your feelings is your starting-off point for a lifelong process of self-discovery. Emotional mastery entails a self-awareness where you not only recognize your emotions but also realize how they impact your behaviors. As you become more self-aware, you’re more self-accepting and become more empathetic toward others.

As you use self-awareness to discover how to build emotional intelligence, you become your own inner manager. Instead of reacting to situations without understanding why, you’re able to take stock of what’s driving you. Instead of being impulsive, you’re able to slow down your reactions and make strategic choices. What feelings are getting the best of you, and how can you choose a healthier response?

5/ Learn emotional management techniques

Psychology Today reports on the value of emotional intelligence in navigating life and relationships. To really understand how to improve emotional intelligence, experts recommend taking the reins on your own feelings. Improving emotional intelligence means staying cool under stress instead of being reactive. To stay relaxed in a crisis, remember the holistic nature of your peak state. To keep calm, stay attentive to your body in the present moment.

Staying aware of your mind-body connection helps you overcome stress and stay connected to others. If, after addressing your stress, you still need to release difficult emotions like anger, fear or sadness, give yourself permission to take a break. As you develop emotional skillfulness, you’ll become better able to manage yourself and relate to others.

6/ Attune to others’ feelings

Improving emotional intelligence transforms your relationships. Being attuned to your own feelings makes you more aware of other people’s emotions, which enhances your capacity for healthy relationships. You’re able to understand others’ concerns, pick up on emotional cues and interact comfortably with others. When you’re able to take care of your own emotional needs, you’re more emotionally available – as a partner, friend, coworker and family member.

To really attune to others’ feelings, practice deep listening. Most people treat listening as waiting to respond. While the other person is talking, they’re formulating their own argument or relating the conversation to themselves. That’s not really listening. Deep listening involves acknowledging the other person’s opinion and seeking to understand it, rather than just respond with your own.

7/ Assert yourself

When we talk about being assertive, we’re not talking about being aggressive or domineering. Assertive communication is actually the healthiest and most effective communication style. It doesn’t mean getting in people’s faces – that’s an aggressive communication style. Assertive communication means stating your opinion or emotions in a strong, confident way, while also respecting the opinions of others.

Asserting yourself is part of learning how to improve emotional intelligence, since it requires communicating your perspective, wants and needs directly while still respecting others. As you become attuned to your own emotional terrain, you’re able to assert yourself in a way that strengthens and deepens your relationships.

8/ Get excited and take action

Tony says that “A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action.” In order to really master how to improve emotional intelligence, you need to get out there and practice. Set a new goal or milestone and track your progress. Get out of your comfort zone. Have more meaningful conversations with people in your life. Be more present.

Consider finding a mentor, joining a mastermind group or using coaching to help develop your emotional intelligence. Purposely put yourself in situations where emotional intelligence is required. When you put your emotional mastery to work by staying responsive to others, you’ll be rewarded in your personal and professional relationships.

9/ Practice active listening

Active listening is a key skill in emotional intelligence. It involves paying close attention to the person speaking, not just the words they are saying, but also their tone, body language, and nonverbal cues. When you actively listen, you are able to understand the other person's perspective and respond in a way that shows you care.

10/ Learn to manage stress

Stress can have a huge impact on our emotions and can make it difficult to control our reactions. To improve emotional intelligence, it's important to learn how to manage stress. This can include techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga. It can also mean finding ways to remove stress from your life, such as setting boundaries, delegating tasks, and finding a healthy work-life balance.

11/ Practice empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It is a key component of emotional intelligence, and it requires putting yourself in the other person's shoes and trying to see things from their perspective. To practice empathy, try to imagine what the other person is going through and how they might be feeling. Show them that you understand and care by using active listening and responding with compassion.

12/ Learn to communicate effectively

Effective communication is vital to building strong relationships, and it's a key component of emotional intelligence. When you communicate effectively, you are able to express your thoughts and feelings clearly and in a way that engages the reader and makes them feel like they are on a journey to improve their emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is like a superpower that can help you navigate any situation, from managing a team of diverse personalities to mending relationships with loved ones. But unlike superpowers, emotional intelligence can be developed and honed with practice and intention.

4. How to deal with disappointment

Further exploring

We all know the feeling of disappointment. It's that nagging feeling of letdown that comes when things don't go as planned. Whether it's a job opportunity that falls through or a relationship that doesn't work out, disappointment can be a difficult emotion to navigate. But what if I told you that disappointment doesn't have to be negative? That it can actually be a powerful tool for growth and change?

In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to get caught up in the idea that everything should be perfect all the time. We have expectations for how our lives should be and when those expectations aren't met, we feel let down. But here's the thing: life doesn't always go according to plan. And that's okay.

Disappointment is a natural part of the human experience. It's not something to be feared or avoided. Instead, it's something to be embraced and used as a tool for growth. You see, disappointment can either destroy you or drive you. The choice is yours.

So how do you deal with disappointment in a way that leads to growth and change? Here are a few tips:

1. Commit to what you can control. The only thing you can control in life is yourself. You can't control other people or events, but you can control how you react to them. Take control of your emotions and use them to shape your experience of life.

2. Let go of expectations. Expectations are the root of disappointment. When things don't go according to plan, it's because our expectations weren't met. But here's the thing: life is unpredictable. By letting go of expectations, you're freeing yourself from the disappointment that comes with unmet expectations.

3. Embrace failure. Failure is a natural part of growth and change. It's through failure that we learn and grow. Embracing failure means being okay with not always getting it right and using those experiences to learn and grow.

4. Take action. Disappointment is often a sign that something needs to change. It's a sign that it's time to take action and create the life you want. Don't let disappointment hold you back. Use it as motivation to take action and create real, lasting change in your life.

5. Focus on the present. Sometimes disappointment comes from dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. By focusing on the present, you're able to let go of regrets and worries and focus on what you can do right now to create a better future.

Dealing with disappointment can be tough, but it's a necessary part of growth and change. By embracing disappointment and using it as a tool, you'll be able to create the life you deserve. So next time you're feeling let down, remember: disappointment can either destroy you or drive you. The choice is yours.

Discover how to be happy without expectations The meaning of no expectations, no disappointments

When it comes to romantic relationships, many of us have been disappointed at some point. In fact, some of us have been disappointed so often that we’ve stopped expecting our relationships to be healthy and fulfilling. But this isn’t the optimal way to approach our love lives.

No expectations, no disappointments doesn’t mean lowering our standards or accepting a life that is less than what we deserve. It doesn’t mean giving up on our goals for a happy, healthy relationship and meaningful career. It doesn’t mean that we stop growing and learning new things.

Embracing the true meaning of no expectations, no disappointments means living fully in the present. Our lives are filled with acceptance, gratitude and love. We stop fighting things that are out of our control and focus our power on what we can control: our own mindset, emotions and actions. Learning how to be happy without expectations means realizing that fulfillment comes from within.

It’s a realization that will transform your life. Why expectations cause us pain and how to be happy without expectations

Pain in life comes when our reality doesn’t match our expectations. Most of us expect to have achieved certain milestones in life by a certain age. We expect to be married, have a family, climb the career ladder or reach the top in a specific way within a set amount of time. We expect other people to be kind, respectful and trustworthy. These are our blueprints – our expectations for the way we believe our lives “should” turn out to.

When you focus on the bad, that's where your energy goes. But when you focus on gratitude, joy and positivity, you begin to attract more of that into your life. Instead of dwelling on what's missing, focus on what you do have and be thankful for it. This doesn't mean that you can't strive for more, but it does mean that you'll be happier and more content in the present moment.

1/ Change your story

The stories we tell ourselves ultimately become who we are. Do you hold yourself and others to unrealistic standards? Do you think you need to be perfect to be deserving of love? These are limiting beliefs, and they will hold you back from learning how to be happy without expectations. As Tony says, “We can change our lives. We can do, have and be exactly what we wish.” It starts with changing your story.

2/ Take responsibility

Part of changing your story is getting rid of the belief that your life is the result of circumstances beyond your control; that other people are not holding up their end of the “bargain.” When you live with no expectations, no disappointments, you know that there is no “bargain” others must uphold. You accept responsibility for your emotions, actions and life. Once you accept that you are the only person you can control, you’ll stop expecting others to live up to an imaginary ideal.

3/ Forgive

No one is perfect. There’s no doubt that at some point in your life, others have failed you. But holding onto the past only holds you back from achieving your true potential. Before you can discover the true meaning of no expectations, no disappointments, you must forgive them. Forgiveness is powerful, especially in relationships. When you set yourself and your partner free from blame, guilt and pain, you create more room in your life for joy. That’s what makes life worth living.

4/ Be grateful

Joy doesn’t just happen. It’s not something that you’ll achieve one day if only you have the perfect job, relationship or family. Joy is a state of being. Most of all, it is a choice. To choose joy, change your focus – because where focus goes, energy flows. When you focus on the bad, that is all you see. But when you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears. Practice gratitude every day and you’ll soon know how to be happy without expectations.

5/ See life as a journey

Practicing gratitude will help you see life as a winding journey rather than a straight line to a destination. Everything that happens on that journey can teach us something if we let it. When you find the lesson even in the bad things that happen to you, you start to realize that life isn’t happening to you – it’s happening for you. No expectations, no disappointments is the only way to experience everything life has to offer.

6/ Set realistic goals

When we set unrealistic goals, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Instead of shooting for the stars, set realistic, attainable goals. This doesn't mean you should settle for less, it means you should be smart about what you can achieve.

7/ Embrace change

Life is constantly changing, and the only thing we can count on is that things will be different tomorrow. Embrace change, instead of fighting it. When you learn to be comfortable with change, you'll be more adaptable, and you'll be able to roll with the punches.

8/ Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment. It's about paying attention to your thoughts, feelings and surroundings without judgment. When you practice mindfulness, you're able to let go of the past and future and focus on the present.

No expectations, no disappointments is about learning to live in the moment and finding happiness within yourself. It's about letting go of unrealistic expectations and focusing on what you can control. By following these tips and learning to be happy without expectations, you'll be able to live a more fulfilling life

Further exploring

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/podcasts/trade-expectations-appreciation/

5. Your emotional lifeguards: compassion and empathy

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/compassion-vs-empathy/

Charles Darwin's theory of "survival of the fittest" is a well-known concept, but did you know that he also proposed a "sympathy hypothesis"? This hypothesis suggests that it takes compassion, or what Darwin referred to as "sympathy", to raise children, build strong communities, and advance the human race. Empathy and compassion are both integral parts of the human condition, passed down through evolution to aid our survival.

When we observe suffering, it activates the parts of our brain associated with threat detection and nurturing, as well as the vagus nerve, which controls the heart and lungs, and the reward centers of the brain. Performing acts of kindness actually gives us "hits" of pleasure chemicals, making it a pleasurable experience.

While empathy and compassion may seem similar, it's important to understand the differences between the two, especially for leaders. Empathy is the ability to feel the emotions of others, while compassion is the drive to take action to alleviate suffering. Empathy is a visceral, automatic reaction that happens in both our brains and bodies, while compassion is a conscious action.

Empathy is essential for leaders because it helps them connect with others, make better decisions by considering other perspectives, and influence others to follow them. However, empathy also has downsides such as cognitive biases, where we are more likely to empathize with others who are similar to us and project our feelings onto those who are not.

Compassion, on the other hand, allows for a step back from suffering and a mindful consideration of how to help. It is a crucial aspect of spiritual wellness and can lead to a host of benefits such as improved relationships and increased self-awareness.

In summary, empathy and compassion are both vital to human survival, but it's important to understand the differences between the two, particularly for leaders. Empathy is feeling the emotions of others, while compassion is the drive to take action to alleviate suffering. Empathy has its downsides, but is necessary for healthy relationships and a fulfilling life. Compassion, which stems from empathy, has numerous benefits.

6. Your emotional lifeguards: gratitude

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/the-power-of-gratitude/

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/health-vitality/benefits-of-gratitude/

The power of gratitude has been proven to have a positive effect on our happiness by helping us to feel more fulfilled and turn obstacles into opportunities. Gratitude is not just positive thinking, but rather a mindset and a state of being that requires consistent effort to develop. The steps to discovering the power of gratitude include:

1. Choosing gratitude: Emotions are a gift that make us human and can drive us to achieve great things. The power of gratitude is that it is an emotion – and you can control your emotions by choosing what to focus on. You can choose to approach life from a place of scarcity and fear, or you can adopt an attitude of abundance and decide to focus on the positive.

2. Practicing priming: Starting your morning strong is essential, and priming is a way to set your focus. Priming is an extension of the idea that starting your day with negative emotions will lead to negative experiences, while positive emotions will lead to positive experiences. Tony’s priming exercise uses elements of visualization, meditation and incantations to help you begin each day with the power of gratitude on your side.

3. Cultivating mindfulness: One benefit of priming is that it cultivates mindfulness. Mindfulness is the ability to live in the present, connecting with your thoughts and emotions without judging them, changing them or letting them overtake you. It means cultivating the ability to focus your attention on the sights, smells and sounds around you, listen deeply, connect with others and awaken to the gifts of life. You can cultivate mindfulness through meditation, yoga and other practices that pause racing thoughts and let in the power of gratitude.

4. Let go of the past: Sometimes what we didn’t have in the past can prevent us from accepting it in the present. If we never had a healthy relationship, we may push away a loving partner. If we were raised to be perfectionists, it’s difficult to appreciate things that aren’t “just right.” That’s why you must let go of the past in order to learn how to live in gratitude each day. Choosing to give a positive meaning to your past experiences will help you overcome limiting beliefs and know that you are worthy of abundance.

5. Take action: You now have powerful strategies for how to live in gratitude. But as Tony says, “Knowing is not enough. You must take action.” Don’t put off gratitude for another day. Tell someone how much you appreciate them and why. Start a gratitude journal. And don’t brush off the compliments of others. Accepting others’ appreciation of you is just as important to embrace the power of gratitude as giving appreciation.

The gift of gratitude – the ability to find the blessing in every experience and show appreciation for it – is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. When we think about showing gratitude, we often think of creating the feeling of thankfulness within ourselves, whether we journal, practice priming or meditate. But gratitude is also one of the greatest gifts we can give others.

How to express?

You don’t need to invest a lot of time or money to express gratitude. It doesn’t have to be a big event or dramatic gesture. Often the most powerful ways to show appreciation are understated. You just have to trade your expectations for appreciation and learn how to show gratitude every day.

1/ Make a phone call

We live in the age of texting and social media messaging, which makes a phone call feel all the more special. Call family or friends just to say hello, or make a point to call someone you know is going through challenges in life.

2/ Write a note

A handwritten, sincere “thank you” note is all it takes to express gratitude. The recipient can save it to look back on and bring a smile to their face. Another way to use notes is to write things you love about your spouse or family and leave them in a lunchbox, the book they’re reading or on the bathroom mirror.

3/ Give a compliment

Everyone has time to show appreciation with a few nice words to a coworker, barista or even a total stranger on the street. Compliments help others shift their perspective to one of gratitude, and can turn around someone’s day instantly.

4/ Get together

Pay a visit to a family member you haven’t seen in a while. Take them out for a walk around the park or to get coffee. Host brunch for some friends. Try a new restaurant or fun activity to keep your relationship interesting. There are endless ways to get together and have new experiences that demonstrate gratitude.

5/ Show up

To show appreciation for someone close to you, take an interest in the things they love. Show up to their play, basketball game or dance recital. And when they are really in need, be the person they can go to for advice, support or just to talk.

6/ Make them food

Food is one of the most universal ways to show appreciation. Baking cookies for a teacher, bringing dinner to a friend when they don’t have time to cook and making your partner breakfast in bed or their favorite dinner are guaranteed to be well-received.

7/ Give them a gift

Gifts to express gratitude don’t have to be extravagant. Small gifts can be even more thoughtful: a gift card to their favorite cafe, a bouquet of their favorite flowers or a practical gift, like new headphones for that friend who’s always losing theirs.

8/ Get creative

Showing gratitude with handmade gifts can be especially meaningful, so let your creativity shine. Make a gratitude scrapbook with pictures, notes and things that remind you of them. Paint a picture, write a song or poem or build them a playlist they can listen to when they need to feel appreciated.

9/ Use their gifts

Meaningful gifts go both ways: If someone bought you something nice, be sure to show appreciation. Wear jewelry or clothes they gave you when you see them. Display that framed photo of the two of you somewhere easy to see. You’ll both feel good when you see it.

10/ Share what you have

Too often we have a scarcity mindset in life. But living in gratitude means understanding that the universe always provides. Be willing to share what you have – books, clothes, food and even your time and skills – with your loved ones and those less fortunate.

11/ Run an errand

Time is precious, and most people will feel appreciated when you give them some of yours. Offer to run an errand for a busy friend. Take on extra chores around the house and let your partner have a lazy afternoon. Express gratitude for all they do by doing some of it for them.

12/ Be present

Your presence is the greatest gift you can give your significant other and your children – but you can also give this gift to anyone else in your life. Notice what they are wearing or a good deed they’ve done. Practice deep listening. Make an effort to connect with them and discover how to show gratitude on a deeper level.

13/ Celebrate their success

Whether your friend passed the bar exam or your child’s teacher earned Teacher of the Year, celebrating their success shows that you appreciate them enough to notice their accomplishments. Send a note, a small gift or better yet, show up in person and pop the champagne.

14/ Tell someone else

What’s an even better way to express gratitude than telling the person themselves? Telling their boss, writing them a letter of recommendation or nominating them for an award are all ways you can take your gratitude up a notch by earning them even more recognition.

Experience the benefits of gratitude

We all know people who seem to always find the “silver lining” in life. People who see the glass as half full, no matter the circumstances. What’s their secret? It isn’t that it’s an innate part of their personality, although it may seem that way. Chances are, these people are practicing gratitude. The gift of gratitude is the antidote to the emotions that, when left unchecked, cause some of our biggest problems in life. And it isn’t just a gift you give yourself – the benefits of gratitude extend to your relationships with your partner, family and friends. Gratitude is even key to your spiritual wellness.

Gratitude is a powerful tool that can have a significant impact on both our mental and physical health. It helps to reduce negative emotions like envy, anger, and regret, and increase positive emotions like empathy and inner strength. Being grateful can also improve our outlook on life, increase self-esteem, and promote better coping abilities. Furthermore, gratitude can relieve the psychological and physiological effects of stress, reduce depressive symptoms, and even improve physical health. Studies have shown that gratitude can lead to a better quality of sleep, lower blood pressure, and a stronger immune system. By making gratitude a daily practice, we can experience the many benefits it offers and live a more positive and fulfilling life.

Why gratitude benefits us

The brain is our most powerful organ. Our thoughts influence our behaviors, our state and even our physical health. What we focus on in life is what we will experience. As Tony says, “What’s wrong is always available, but so is what’s right.” When you choose to focus on what’s right, the law of attraction ensures that you will receive more of it. When you focus on what’s wrong – you’ll get more of that, too.

The act of being grateful also activates different parts of your brain, including the hypothalamus, which regulates hormones. These chemical reactions have a very real effect on both your mental and physical health. That’s why the health benefits of gratitude have been proven again and again. Psychological benefits of gratitude

By activating the brain chemicals that make us happy, gratitude can help relieve the psychological and physiological effects of stress.

1/ Decreased negative emotions

With all that’s going on in the world, it can be tempting to focus on the negative, but when you focus on the positive, the world seems to give you positivity in return. Gratitude creates a feedback loop that reduces toxic emotions like envy, anger and regret. It can also reduce stress – and that leads to many of the other health benefits of gratitude.

2/ Increased empathy

The benefits of gratitude go beyond your own emotions – being grateful can actually make you more open to the emotions of others. Studies have shown gratitude increases empathy and therefore changes behavior, including reducing aggression and decreasing the desire to retaliate. Yes, it’s true – gratitude can make the world a better place.

3/ Improved outlook

You might think you need to start off as an optimistic person in order to experience the benefits of gratitude, but the opposite is true. Gratitude itself can improve your outlook. It’s been shown to decrease depressive symptoms and even reduce suicidal ideation. It’s no wonder gratitude is often used as part of a larger strategy to treat depression and anxiety.

4/ Higher self-esteem

Social media, celebrity news stories and constant advertising can cause us to compare ourselves to others, rather than appreciating the abundance in our own lives. This inevitably leads to envy, resentment and low self-esteem. Gratitude reverses those effects, reducing social comparisons and increasing our life gratification.

5/ More inner strength

Think of someone who faces adversity with mental toughness and comes out stronger on the other side. Where do they find that inner strength? They may have discovered one of the psychological benefits of gratitude: better adaptive coping abilities. One famous study even found that gratitude contributed to resilience in the aftermath of 9/11. Even in the worst of circumstances, those who find things to be thankful for can find ways to dig deep and benefit from the strength they discover within themselves. Physical health benefits of gratitude

In addition to the psychological effects like reduced stress and increased optimism, we also see many amazing health benefits of gratitude.

6/ Better sleep

According to the CDC, one in three American adults doesn’t get enough sleep. That means they’re missing out on proven health benefits like reduced chances of diabetes, heart disease and stroke. Gratitude can help. Those who rate themselves as more grateful report better sleep quality, longer sleep and a greater ability to fall asleep quickly.

7/ Heart health

Perhaps it’s the sleep benefits that lead to this proven health benefit of gratitude: Studies have found numerous ways it improves heart health. Benefits include reduced inflammation, lower hemoglobin A1c and better heart rate variability – all indicators of good heart health. In addition to eating a healthy diet and exercising, gratitude may be just what your heart needs to stay strong.

8/ More drive to exercise

While studying the benefits of gratitude, researchers got a surprising result: In addition to fewer headaches, reduced nausea and other positives, participants reported increased drive to exercise. And the health benefits of exercise are well-known. Leverage this new inspiration by finding a form of exercise you enjoy and making it a part of your daily routine.

9/ Lower blood pressure

In a 2007 study that quickly became a classic, patients with hypertension who “counted their blessings” had lower blood pressure than those who didn’t. In another study, women writing in a gratitude journal for two weeks experienced lower blood pressure than women reporting on their daily activities. That’s right – one of the biggest benefits of gratitude is there for anyone who keeps a journal.

10/ Healthier relationships

We intuitively know that friendships and romantic relationships are one of the best parts of life. Gratitude can help you keep those relationships strong. Expressing how thankful you are for your partner improves the quality of the relationship. And showing your friends appreciation can help you win even more new friends. These deep bonds help reduce loneliness and lengthen lifespan – some of the best health benefits of gratitude out there.

Spirituality is at the top of the Pyramid of Mastery: one of the most difficult areas of life to master, yet also the most fulfilling. Gratitude can help you get there.

11/ Less jealousy

When you are grateful, there’s no room in your mind for negative emotions like fear, anger and jealousy. You know that you are living in complete abundance. You know you have everything you need. And you know you are in control of your own happiness. What others have doesn’t affect how you feel about your own life.

12/ A connection to the universe

One of the unexpected spiritual benefits of gratitude is that it can make us feel more connected to each other and to the world. It gives us a fresh perspective on our lives, allowing us to find the blessing in every situation and realize that life is happening for us, not to us. It awakens a higher consciousness so that we can connect with the universe on a new level.

13/ More drive to give back

Spirituality and contribution are together at the pinnacle of the Pyramid of Mastery. When we feel connected to the universe, we know that we are all one – and we are driven to give back to those less fortunate. Gratitude radiates out from our lives and creates a cycle that touches everyone around us.

https://youtu.be/WumYqNE9OF4

7. Your emotional lifeguards: celebrate

When was the last time you celebrated like crazy? How about this: when was the last time you celebrated for no reason at all? More than likely, you haven’t. That’s because as we age, we adopt more responsibilities and forget to celebrate the little things in life. As a child, life was more carefree. You had less inhibitions, were more daring and took more risks — you had nothing to lose. As an adult, you have everything to lose, or so you think. celebrate success man expressing celebratory look Celebration becomes sparse and you easily get stuck in life instead of living it. Celebration is something you preserve for times you’re rooting for your favorite team or celebrating someone’s birthday — it’s only allowed into very specific time frames in our lives and if we’re not in that junction, we don’t celebrate.

But the truth is, you don’t need a specific event or time to celebrate anything. You can celebrate the smallest things, celebrate that you’re even alive! And it has its benefits. Celebration releases stress, it lifts your mood, motivates you, and lastly, it gives you energy. Not only physically, but it gives you energy for life!

When you adopt an attitude of gratitude celebrating for no good reason, is a good enough reason. And if you rejoice with life, it will rejoice with you — it’s when you have this attitude, that more good comes to you.

https://youtu.be/mCDW7I1HBpU

• In any given situation, it's important to find balance and adjust to the circumstances. That's why it can be helpful to have a variety of approaches and attitudes at your disposal. Here are four that could be particularly useful:

  1. Compassion: When the weather is freezing and stormy, it can be helpful to approach the situation with compassion. This can be beneficial for dealing with jealousy, envy, and the pitfall of feigning, made-up, or excessive euphoria.

  2. Compassion: On nicer, sunnier days, it can be helpful to approach the situation with compassion. This can be beneficial for dealing with cruelty, gloating, and the pitfall of pity, over-involvement, or melancholy.

  3. Kindness: For everyday weather with partially cloudy skies, it can be helpful to approach the situation with kindness. This can be beneficial for dealing with hatred, aversion, and the pitfall of sentimentality or attachment.

  4. Equanimity: As the season’s change, it can be helpful to approach the transition with equanimity. This can be beneficial for dealing with over-involvement, pride or inferiority, extreme like or dislike, or fanaticism, and the pitfall of indifference.

  By having a range of approaches and attitudes at your disposal, you'll be better equipped to navigate a variety of emotions and challenges in relationships. Look for balance, and adjust to the situation.

• Shame is an emotional state that involves feeling a sense of worthlessness or inadequacy. It is often accompanied by a belief that one's actions or characteristics are fundamentally flawed or undesirable. Shame can be triggered by a specific event or situation, or it can be a more general feeling that is tied to one's identity.

  Guilt, on the other hand, is an emotional state that involves feeling remorse or regret for something one has done or failed to do. It is often accompanied by a belief that one has violated a moral or ethical code, or that one has caused harm or inconvenience to others. Unlike shame, which is focused on the self, guilt is focused on one's actions and their consequences.

  In general, shame is more concerned with one's internal sense of self, while guilt is more focused on specific actions and their impact on others. It is possible to feel both shame and guilt at the same time, but they are distinct emotions that can have different causes and consequences.

8. Your emotional lifeguard: forgiveness

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/the-f-word-you-need-to-embrace/

The key point in the text is that people's expectations often lead to stress and pain, rather than happiness and joy. The author suggests that instead of expecting others to act and behave in a certain way, it's better to appreciate what life and people bring, which can lead to a more positive and fulfilling life. The text also mentions that people have different values, beliefs, fears, habits, and needs, and that it is unrealistic to expect everyone to meet one's ideal expectations all the time. The author suggests that by trading expectations for appreciation, one can transform their whole world and experience more joy.

The best formula for a great life: Trade your expectations for appreciation. The moment you do, your whole world transforms.

That’s it. You know how it feels when people expect you to give them something, it takes away the gift of spontaneous surprise and the joy you’re able to feel from giving. By contrast, when YOU appreciate whatever life or people bring you, you are choosing to guarantee openness and invite the joy that young children have … before we spoil them with giant birthday parties and create unrealistic expectations that life and people all exist to meet their desires and needs. So much anger, frustration, rage, hurt, depression, and sadness burns from expecting people to be loving, generous, courteous, compassionate, proactive, present, supportive, caring, etc.

The power of the F-words: Forgiveness and Faith

How to really forgive

Research shows biochemical changes in blood flow to different parts of the brain when we are angry and conversely, when we choose to forgive. Numerous studies prove that hosting anger and chronic emotional distress erodes physical health, alters cardiovascular homeostasis, impoverishes sleep quality, and stimulates the production of stress-related hormones like cortisol. Conversely, forgiveness promotes wellbeing, cardiovascular health, and may increase survival rates.

It all goes back to trading in those useless expectations. And one way to get in the habit of this is through activating gratitude. I make a daily habit of finding 10 minutes to be grateful for as many little things as I can think of every single day. What’s interesting is that we are incapable of being angry and grateful simultaneously. So get grateful in a hurry! Cultivating this emotion daily creates the wiring so that it’s easy to forgive for what others get stuck and stressed over. Feel grateful more often over little things and I can promise you this will result in the ability to forgive quickly and easily and free yourself of pain.

Finally, if you’re still not forgiving then you are STILL blaming something outside yourself. Which is normal. Most people are not good at forgiveness but they’re good at blame. It’s human nature. So I suggest we put our strength to good use. If you’re going to blame someone for all your pain, then you’ve got to blame them for all your joy, too. If you’re going to blame God for all your tragedies, you’ve got to blame God for all your gifts. If you’re going to blame your parents for being so terrible, you’ve got to blame them for the strength it gave you later on.

Remember: What’s wrong is always available; so is what’s right. Growth, joy, new insights, meaning, happiness, freedom, and love are just a little faith and forgiveness away.

9. Reflection and Sharing Questions for 1-minute Practices

Use these questions to reflect on you experience with your 1-minute practices. We also encourage you to share your responses with a partner or within a small discussion group.

1. Which 1-minute practices did you use recently, this week, or since our last meeting?

2. What were your experiences with the practices that you tried? Did you notice any changes in: your body? thoughts? or emotions?

3. Did you experience any resistance or obstacles, either internally, or due to external circumstances, to using the practices? If so, how did you handle these obstacles or challenges?

4. How might engaging in the 1-minute practices contribute to your own development of social, emotional and ethical skills?

5. In what way might these 1-minute practices be related to the development of your own enduring capabilities (defined in the SEE Learning curriculum)?

6. If you have had difficulty remembering to use these practices, what are some ways that you can help yourself to remember to use them?

7. In what ways might the regular use of these 1-minute practices help you strengthen your: awareness, compassion or engagement?

8. Feel free to comment on anything you have learned about yourself through using these practices.

9. Share your thoughts on sharing these practices with others- personal contacts or professional colleagues.

ONE MINUTE PRACTICES

These one minute (or less) practices can be done multiple times during the day. Especially when you are busy or working hard or something unexpectedly stressful happens, it can be very important to take brief breaks now and again. Even just taking a 1 minute break to do one of these practices can be helpful to restore your energy and return yourself to (or keep yourself in) your resilient zone. You can set a timer for these if you like, use a watch or clock, or just estimate a minute’s worth of practice. You can always do these for longer than one minute, and you can also combine a few 1-minute practices during a single break.

30 SECOND HELP NOW: Choose a favorite Help Now strategy that is appropriate for the current time and place you are in. Engage in your Help Now strategy for 10-20 seconds. For the last 10 seconds, notice what you feel on the inside.

1 MINUTE MINDFULNESS ON THE BREATH: To calm your body and prepare first, take 10-20 seconds to ground. Adjust your posture to one that is most comfortable and becoming aware of the way your body is supported. Allow your mind to just observe your breath coming in and out in a relaxed manner. If you like, you can think “I am breathing in” when you breathe in, and “I am breathing out” when you breathe out. Do this for 3 or 5 rounds of breathing. If you get distracted, just return your mind to the breath. At the end, notice what you feel on the inside.

1 MINUTE OBSERVING THE MIND: Adjust your posture to one that is most comfortable and take 10-20 seconds to ground (become aware of the way your body is supported) or resource (bring something to mind that makes you feel better or safer). Now just rest your mind and observe whatever arises. Notice thoughts, sensations and emotions as they come and go, without any need to engage them. If you get caught up in a thought or emotion, just go back to mere noticing and observing. After 40 seconds or so, conclude by noticing what you feel on the inside.

1 MINUTE GROUNDING: Change your posture or make contact with a physical object that you think could make you feel more grounded. Notice what you feel on the inside. If you notice a pleasant or neutral sensation in your body, pay attention to that part of your body or sensation for another 10-15 seconds.

1 MINUTE RESOURCING: Think of an internal, external or imagined resource that makes you feel better, safer, or greater well-being. Bring it to mind vividly (with specific sensations if possible) for 20-30 seconds. Notice what you feel on the inside. If you notice a pleasant or neutral sensation in your body, pay attention to that part of your body or sensation for another 10-15 seconds.

1 MINUTE CONFLICT RESOLUTION: Precede this with a full minute of grounding or resourcing first if possible, especially if you feel bumped outside your resilient zone. Otherwise, to calm your body and mind, just take 10-20 seconds to ground. Adjust your posture to one that is most comfortable and becoming aware of the way your body is supported. Take 10-20 seconds to identify what needs you have in the conflict situation. See if there are deeper, universal needs at play, like the need for respect, safety, trust, friendship, and so on. Now take 10-20 seconds to see if you can identify what universal needs the other person(s) in the conflict situation may have. Take a moment to think what might help them meet their needs, and what might help you meet your needs. Lastly, bring to mind the common humanity shared by yourself and everyone else in the situation: you all have needs and feelings that arise from those needs. (If time allows, you can follow this by a minute of compassion or selfcompassion).

1 MINUTE SELF-COMPASSION: Adjust your posture to one that is most comfortable and take 10-20 seconds to ground (become aware of the way your body is supported) or resource (bring something to mind that makes you feel better or safer). Now spend a few seconds to become aware of your natural wish for well-being and to be free of distress and unwanted hardship. Remember that everyone goes through difficult times, but things are always in a constant process of change. Consider if you are pushing yourself too hard due to unrealistic expectations that you might not have for a good friend. What kind and wise thing might you say to help such a friend if they were in your situation now? Conclude by taking a moment to send yourself positive, healing thoughts and energy in any way that feels best for you. If you like, you can visualize something that represents your own strength, resilience, and confidence (like a ball of light that starts in your heart and then grows to fill your entire body). Notice what you feel on the inside.

1 MINUTE COMPASSION: Adjust your posture to one that is most comfortable and take 10-20 seconds to ground (become aware of the way your body is supported) or resource (bring something to mind that makes you feel better or safer). Bring to mind a person to whom you would like to send love and compassion (visualize them sitting or standing before you if this is helpful). Take a moment to recognize them as a human being just like yourself, who wants happiness and doesn’t want distress and unwanted hardship. Take a moment to recognize whatever hardships they are going through, have been through, or will go through in the future. Now send them your love and compassion in whatever way feels best to you. If you like you can visualize something that represents this, such as sending them a warm, healing light that emanates from your heart and gradually fills their entire body with well-being. If you like, you can also imagine saying to them, “I wish you happiness and freedom from all suffering.” Notice what you feel on the inside.

Conclusion

Quiz

How can you apply this in life today

Food for thought

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